American political satirist and future host of The Late Show Stephen Colbert is five feet, eleven inches tall, ever so slightly taller than the average United States male. Allegedly - we've only got his truthy word for it. So when Colbert Googled himself on the toilet and found that the search engine's automatically-generated answer to the question of his height was a mere 5'10", he became upset. In the way only he can, which is to say, immediately suspecting a conspiracy to bring him down from the lofty height of 71 inches to merely 70.