We all have a favorite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. Back when I still watched the show (you know, that one), I was a fan of Michelangelo, but as I grew into the book-loving, prose-writing young lad that I am today, I found that Donatello would have been a more appropriate match. I went through four years of college with hardly a sip of alcohol, and we all know Michelangelo would have been wasted before orientation was even over, found lying in the middle of campus without his shell.

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