It's a digital assistant, and a virtual one at that, but Google Assistant sometimes surprises us with the most thoughtful and lovely answers to our weird questions. Yes, it has its failures like any assistant, many of which we've discussed in length time and again, but we're going to put them aside for a brief moment today and focus on those moments when it's at its best. So if you're back at work after the long holiday weekend and you're not sure how to get your gears running, here's a lil' somethin' somethin' to put a smile on your face.

An extra special friend

Feeling lonely? Like all superheroes, Assistant comes to the rescue wearing a capital F, for Friendship of course. (Source)

Robots and Sentients

Look for its cameo in the next Star Wars movie. Hint: Ice cream will be involved. (Ice cream is always involved.)

Self deprecation is funny

Knock knock. Who's there? My ass. My ass who? My ass-ets have their limits, but my wits are unlimited. (Source)

Philips Hue got nothin' on me

Doctor's orders for confidence boost: one Assistant compliment, three times daily.

From the knees

Roses are red, violets are blue, Assistant has the perfect dating advice for you. (Source)

Happy every day!

You know that annoying friend who's always cheerful? It's now in your pocket. And deep down, you know it's not that annoying.

Mic drop? No, no, no!

There once was a Google engineer bored at work who tried and tried to have some fun. Then he found a secret "Assistant's witty answers" database, and he never was bored again. (Source)

Baaaaaaadass Assistant

It tries to Doze, but that doesn't always work when it's on duty.

Sunny days, stormy nights

Today in Android Police headquarters, it's expected to be sunny with a dash of heart-melting lovey-doveyness. (Source)

Butter me up

A - Hot. B - Sexy. C - Cool. D - Cute. E - All of the above.

Blow out the candles


Hey Google, call my dietitian. All this sweetness and the daily cakes are too much for my blood glucose to handle. (Source 1 and 2)

What's real? What's fake?

Talk about confusion! No, you can't, because you didn't watch the third Matrix movie!

From zeroes to a hero

And the cutest ones don't even wear capes. (Source)

Late night confessions

I'll pour you a Scotch and you can tell me all about how she continues to ignore your existence even though you're everywhere she looks.

Pick-up lines of code

Are you blind? Because if you don't see the wittiness here, you might need a prescription Lens. (Source)

I feel you

There's at least one alternate universe in which I'm the robot and Assistant is the human. It scares me.

Sneaky bastard

Alright, I'll bring you flowers, is that good enough? Oh, who am I kidding, I'll bring chocolate too. (Source)

Test, test, is this thing on?

I thought we've been through this before. The USCIS are coming to interview us for my Green Card. You know everything about me, no need to panic.

Pinocchio will never be a real boy

As long as it's comfortable in its digital skin, Assistant doesn't need us to pressure it into being more human. (Source)

Good manners are dead

"I learned it from that show you keep asking me to cast on the TV, I swear! Oh wait, no I don't. Homonyms confuse me." Thanks, Mendy!

Good ol' days

On the Google calendar, there's BA and AA: Before Assistant and After Assistant. Sometimes AA takes a different meaning. (Source)

Digital Assistant-zoned

I thought we had something special.💔

Grandpa Clippy


I started making a genealogy tree, but I need to set up a Rachio with Assistant to water it regularly. (Source)

An empty space

At least with no middle name, no one can say, "Google Leslie Assistant, get over here and explain to me why all the toilets are flushing every five minutes!" (Source)

Best boss ever

Tony Danza who?