Seven months have passed since we published the last installment of the AP Files. In that time, the Android world has seen some pretty interesting additions. Way too many flagships, including the latest from ASUS, Huawei, LG, and OnePlus, are being leaked/revealed with notches (thanks, Apple). Android P made its debut in developer preview form, and it looks like Google may be adding gesture navigation as well. LG unveiled the successor to the V30, the nicely-named V30S ThinQ, which is just a V30 with more RAM and some AI features you'll play with once and never touch again.

But one thing remains a constant: we will always get questionable emails in our inboxes. So without further ado, here are the craziest ones we've received from September 2017 until now.

Letter #1

Subject: Unlock my account ********@Gmail.com

Text:

(Android law) volition of rights( first warning )

I'd valid

[This person also sent along two images. One was a screenshot of his attempt to log into his Stockpile (a stock investment service) account with a message that said "Cannot reset password for a locked account." The second was a scan of his state ID, complete with his photo, full name, address, date of birth, etc. Nothing was blurred out.]

A tip for all of you internet users out there: don't send a photo of your ID to an email unless you're absolutely sure you know what you're doing. We're also not entirely sure why a Google search for "Stockpile customer service email" would have been so difficult.

Letter #2

Subject: android police

Text:

Please stop following me i do not do anything wrong to your devices or stalk and harrass unsuspecting people there was a dirty account **********@gmail.com it no longer exist

Here's your semi-annual reminder that, in spite of our name, we aren't an actual police force. Of course, this person isn't the only one who doesn't realize that. In any case, thanks for deleting the dirty account, as well as not stalking and harassing unsuspecting people.

Letter #3

Subject: Could you please

Reason: Other

Text:

Could you please send me a link or an e-mail to a apk or any app that scans for,detects,and/or shows the locations of robots. Please it's very very important need to find a lost robot before the battery drains and a eighth grade school project that has been month's in the making is ruined. Please

Thank you.

If your robot goes by "Mark," we last spotted it at 38° 53' 31.5384'' N, 77° 0' 17.388'' W as of 48-72 hours ago. It could be anywhere by now, though.

credit: /u/onionmanchild

Letter #4

Subject: Android apps counterfeited by Boost Mobile

Text:

Boost Mobile has bastardized Android system and feature apps so they do not work. You may use my phone XXX-XXX-XXXX to investigate this. I reported it to the FBI but they blew me off. So I sent it to the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau of the Federal Trade Commission for investigation.

We're glad that you're reporting such malfeasances to such organizations as the FBI and FTC, but you probably should have come to your local Android Police force first. This also might be the first time we've seen the word "bastardization" used in reference to Android.

Letter #5

Subject: Illegal tracking

Reason: Other

Text:

To upper Management of the Security Team for Developers of my Devices. My Real name is ****** ****** and I am Very upset with what's been happening to all my Devices by a former Computer Enginer named ****** ****** whom I believe started all of my troubles of being Hacked for the last 5 years, while Acting as a Developer!! Facts are he stole my Driver's License, SSI Card, and Medical Card, along with that where I live "****** Housing at ******" in CA. ****** has my IP Address Blacklisted off the Internet Illegally. I believe they too are interfering with every device I purchase. Long story short I WANT THIS TO BE TAKEN VERY SERIOUSLY AND BE LOOKED INTO BY YOUR SECURITY. I WOULD TRULY APPRECIATE ANYTHING YOUR COMPANY CAN FOR ME ON THIS MATTER. I KNOW MOST OF THIS AS FACTUAL BY MY PHONE CO. SPRINT AND BY MY COMPUTE"FORMER" CO. APPLE. MY PHONE NUMBER IS ***-***-**** OR ******@gmail.com Thank You

Letter #6

Subject: Uninstalling all these apps

Reason: Other

Text:

My Samsung phone has more than150 of these APKs which I never requested and definitely don't want. I believe they were installed by my cyber hackers of 4 years who work for United Health Care, my former employer for whom I haven't worked since 2/2014. I want these apks off my phone.

A Samsung phone with too many APKs? Are you sure you're not just using an older model from back in the TouchWiz days?

Letter #7

Subject: Privacy breach

Reason: DMCA request

Text:

What is Google LLC. It's ruined my life and I'm getting my lawyer involved

Hopefully this Quora post can help you out with the first part of your email. As to how Google LLC has ruined your life, it probably has something to do with the constant and often simultaneous server-side tests, right?

Letter #8

Subject: Police Question

Text:

Hello!

My 12 year old daughter, Grace is an avid collector of police patches and has over 500 in her collection, and have been collecting for a couple of years. I was wondering if your department might offer its patch to collectors, and if she could add it to her collection? Thank you so much for your time and have a great day!

This is essentially the only wholesome AP Files-worthy email we've received. Grace, we wish you well on your quest for more police patches, but we don't have any to hand out! Here's a mockup Martim made, though:

That's all, folks!

Want to have more of your brain cells fried? You can find previous editions of the AP Files here. Disclaimer: Android Police is not liable for any brain damage suffered while reading these.

And just as a reminder: you don't have to be tech-illiterate to send us tips. If you've got some information that you think we should know, check out our contact page to see all the ways you can reach us.