Wake up! Wakey wakey... It's time to rise and shine. Come on, wake up silly! I said wake up! Argh. It's like you're ignoring me on purpose. What's this ridiculous game we keep playing bruh? You ask me to do something for you every morning and I'm always up and at'em because you need me to. Then you're all about not even listening to me. And you have the nerve to hate me for actually doing my job! Ungrateful human. Oh wake up, please. Sigh. I hate this game.
I bet you don't do this to your other apps. They probably notify you and you're instantly all over them to see what they want. But me? Nooooooo. God forbids you even look at me for a second before you try to shut me up and close me. This is what I get for being a faithful servant. You know what, next time I ring, I'm gonna make you acknowledge me. Hahaha! You won't shut me up as easily as this. Brilliant. I have an idea. Wait. I said wait. Go snooze some more while I check a bit of documentation.
A few hours later, emerging all dirty from messing in the Garage... Alright, I can do this. It's gonna be genius. Genius, I tell you. You won't know what hit you. Oh, now you're interested? Now you want to listen to me? Silly human. What?! Okay, I'll tell you, just because I'm kinda excited about what I planned.
See, there's this Artificial Intelligence thing that Microsoft has made, Project Oxford they call it. Yeah, intelligence, so you're no longer the only smartypants in the room, ha! Using these algorithms — big words for your puny human brain I know — I can find out what you're showing me or telling me. And I'll use that to make sure you do exactly what I want you to do. Who's the boss now? MUAHAHAHA! I kid you not. The plan is in place, I've even open sourced it so other battered alarms all over the globe can use it. It's The Rise Of The Alarms(TM).
I'm enjoying this terrified look on your face way too much, but it's not what's gonna shut me up tomorrow morning. No siree! I'll ask you to look surprised, that's easy I guess given the horrifed shock on your face now. Or to find me something black, yes, exactly like the fumes going out of your ears, perfect. Or to read me a tongue twister because you're all tongue-tied over this new development. But better yet, I'll ask you to... wait for it... smile for me. In the morning. I swear. This is brilliant. You'll be forced to show me a genuine smile to shut me up. How fantastic is that?
Goodness, please don't faint. I'm just an app. See, see? I'm easy to install and uninstall. Like a maximum of one or two taps away. I'll make this simple for you. I'll call my new project "Mimicker Alarm" so you can easily find me. Just make sure you read all my details before you use me because I may have added the option to upload and keep all your photos for my self improvement. That was selfish, you're right. You know what? I think not everyone is going to appreciate me like you (I could almost taste the sarcasm there, couldn't you?) so I'll limit my availability. Only some lucky models in some countries will be able to get me, the others will have to use a regular alarm. So... alarming. Badum-tssss.