Hey, remember all that hullaballoo about Snapdragon 808 and the G4 a couple days ago? Me too! Man, what a bummer for Qualcomm's totally-not-in-any-way-compromised Snapdragon 810. Those guys just can't catch a break!

And now, they really, really want you to know that there's no such thing as Snapdragon 815 and please just stop saying they were going to make another high-end chip based on ARM reference core designs. Seriously guys, they totally weren't going to do that. Not a chance.

815 was rumored to be a FinFet'd version of Qualcomm's definitely-announced and quite real Snapdragon 620, an A72/A53 octacore chip that Qualcomm revealed prior to MWC. By using FinFet 3D transistors to reduce the chip to an effectively smaller process, the thermal and power efficiency of the 815 would be superior to that of the 620. The 815 would probably also have gotten a faster Adreno GPU.

After the rather tremendous fallout around Snapdragon 810, Qualcomm is understandably attempting to distance itself from anything related to that chip and it would be really great if you all could just act like the first three quarters of 2015 will never have happened once Snapdragon 820 is released hopefully oh please god by the end of the year.

This is according to FudZilla, in an article adorned with other completely factual gems, like:

The 20nm Snapdragon 810 is not overheating, it works just fine, and we tested it inside the HTC One M9. We can confirm that it ends up significantly faster than the Snapdragon 801, which we had a chance to try in a few phones.

An assertion which, as we know, literally every review of the device supports. Except this one:

The heat means there is a lot of throttling going on, so much so that when the Snapdragon 810-powered M9 is warmed up, it will score lower in GeekBench than a Snapdragon 805 or 800.  - Ron Amadeo, Ars Technica

And this one.

However, it’s definitely alarming at how small the differences are when Snapdragon 810 is placed in a phone, and it seems that the thermal output of the Snapdragon 810 is high enough that sustained tests end up placing it somewhere around the range of the Snapdragon 805 in CPU-bound tests.  - Joshua Ho, Anandtech

And this one.

On paper, it's a big upgrade over the M8. So what’s the problem? The problem is that in practice, it's not any faster than last year’s phone. - Jason Cross, Greenbot

And, you know, ours.

Fudzilla also makes its commitment to Qualcomm's narrative crystal clear for us normals, in case you were in any way wondering who they were siding with unquestioningly here.

Now that we debunked this rumour, we should focus on Qualcomm’s real next generation flagship SoC – the Snapdragon 820.

This is, of course, because FudZilla obtained their information from Qualcomm's Senior Director of Public Relations and Totally Trustworthy Guy Jon Carvill, who said literally just these words: "There are no plans for a Snapdragon 815 processor." Now, if I were someone who read PR email on a regular basis - and hey, I do! - I might take the wording there into account. Like, the lack of any statement about 815 having been a thing in the past. Because hey, nobody in PR ever words anything in a way that most conveniently avoids discussing a problem issue, right? Right!

So, how's the Qualcomm Kool-Aid, guys? Do they serve it warm?