One question has stuck in folks' minds from the moments they first laid eyes on the Galaxy S6 Edge: What's the point? Now Samsung is ready to show us. It has announced the Galaxy Blade Edge, the world's first smart knife. Take from the proximity to April Fools what you will.
The Galaxy Blade Edge isn't smart in the same way as your smartwatch. No, this product doesn't sync up to your phone through a Bluetooth connection, delegating its brains to a primary device. Instead, this is just a Galaxy S6 Edge strapped to a knife handle. It takes a weird experimental product and gives it a point.
One of the phone's tapered sides has been sharpened to enable the kind of performance only cutting-edge technology can deliver. Samsung boasts that this razor-sharp diamond edge is capable of slicing delicate heirloom tomatoes and tough enough to cut through a lobster tail. The included sensors and built-in algorithms analyze your grip and strength, adjusting the device's weight to improve your slicing and dicing. Samsung promises that the product can cut up to 50% faster than traditional knives.
The Galaxy Blade Edge exudes a premium feel thanks to a transparent ceramic body with a diamond-cut finish. It's also a luxurious experience. The 5.1-inch Super AMOLED display gives you enough screen real estate to watch your favorite show, peruse Imgur, or rush kingdoms while continuing with your food prep. The provided camera lets you get better shots of what you're making than any of your foodie friends.
Don't worry about hurting yourself, as the included KNOX Security will cause the blade to retract before cutting skin. Just be sure to scan your fingerprint on the home button beforehand to activate finger-detection. A human blood sensor also prevents the device from being used to hack up another human.
Should it fail, the phone will automatically place an emergency call. In the event of an accidental call, just scan your fingerprint, swipe the security pattern, enter the 15-digit password, and sing along to the randomly-selected song from your most recent Milk Music station to cancel. Simple.
Thanks to a foldable handle, you can then take the ergonomic device with you as you depart the kitchen and go about your day. Samsung's also offering custom handles (such as one made from real mammoth tusk found beneath the surface of the North Sea) and protective sleeves. For aspiring chefs and pros alike, there's really no need to own another phone.
Seriously, as ridiculous as this sounds, it makes more sense than the Galaxy S6 Edge.
Alternate title: Samsung Sharpens Its Sense Of Humor For This Year's April Fools With The Galaxy Blade Edge