American political satirist and future host of The Late Show Stephen Colbert is five feet, eleven inches tall, ever so slightly taller than the average United States male. Allegedly - we've only got his truthy word for it. So when Colbert Googled himself on the toilet and found that the search engine's automatically-generated answer to the question of his height was a mere 5'10", he became upset. In the way only he can, which is to say, immediately suspecting a conspiracy to bring him down from the lofty height of 71 inches to merely 70.
After Colbert challenged Google and its 5'11" CEO Larry Page to modify the results, then repeated his challenge on Twitter in nautical miles...
Fix my height, Google! And add it in nautical miles! I'm 0.0009738nmi, not 0.00096nmi you monsters!
— Stephen Colbert (@StephenAtHome) October 16, 2014
...the Google Search team obliged him. Sort of.
— A Googler (@google) October 18, 2014
The updated search result for Stephen Colbert's height is now perhaps the most accurate of any celebrity available. Also, Colbert's former boss Jon Stewart now has the most inaccurate rating available, at "shorter." That's probably small comfort for Colbert, or at least his bombastic television persona, since the Search team helpfully inserted Larry Page's correct height.
I'm going to spin a little conspiracy theory of my own: could this feud between Stephen Colbert and the Google Search team merely be a proxy battle for even bigger players? After all, Colbert seems to be awfully cozy with the powers that be down in Cupertino as of late...
Source: E Online