Listen, I'm not going to one-up John Legere, the man is a living legend in mobile. He seemingly came out of nowhere, and is actively disrupting an industry in the US we had all believed was nigh-undisruptable. (Note: undisruptable is not a word, but it should be, because any word necessary to describe John Legere should, by definition, be a word.)
At last night's Uncarrier 5.0 event, the disruption was in full effect. Free seven day trials of the T-Mobile network (with an iPhone 5S). Free music streaming for over half-a-dozen services. A new service specifically for T-Mobile unlimited subscribers.
But we already knew it was going to be awesome. What we did not know was just which words Mr. Legere would choose to describe this awesomeness. As usual, he did not disappoint - here are some of my choice favorites from an outstanding compilation video put together by The Verge.
- "Hope you got the goodie bags, there should be an energy drink right next to the doobie."
- "That is a complete crock of bullshit."
- "Why don't AT&T and Verizon offer unlimited data plans? A.) they can't, B.) they're greedy bastards."
- "See these maps? We keep seeing these maps. Are you sick and tired of these maps?"
- "We are absolutely kicking their ass on both fronts."
- "I'm absolutely out of my mind."
- "Six billion dollars that creates this cacophony of the biggest bullshit in history. Maps and charts and happy framilies running through the god damn store. What the fuck do I care about all that?"
- "These high and mighty duopolists that are raping you for every penny you have."
- "The fuckers hate you."
- "The last time I had a seven-night stand was, approximately, never."
- "That guy that sings Happy that makes me sick is going to come in, and you're gonna listen to him for hours, until you stab somebody."
- "I have two quick answers: I don't give a shit and I'll celebrate."
- "Everything we do, is forever."
- "I can go out to the bar with my best friend - me - I can order another round for both of us."
- "I think I've made my comments clear about the young guy and the AT&T family searching porn."
- "Are the rest of you stupid?"
- "The biggest question I usually get in these events, we usually with, is um, 'Is that it?' What I'd like to do is answer the question, by telling you: yes."