Android Police

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[The Android Police Files #11] i love android and want to write columns for u

Longtime readers of the Android Police Files will know that a couple things never change. Someone always mistakes us for the police. Someone else thinks we can fix any and all software-related problems. But then there's always a person that asks a question we never expect.

Here is the latest batch of letters. You tell us which are which.

Letter #1

facepalm

You can't. At least, not yet anyway. Such talk remains a rumor for now. But you're not entirely out of luck. Here's a simple process.

Step 1: Return your Lumia 535.

Step 2: Buy an Android phone.

Step 3: Run the Android apps.

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[The Android Police Files #10] Lethal TREASON, Juuuuust Smthn To Ponder On

Now that the hustle and bustle of Mobile World Congress 2015 is behind us, we have time to address some of the comments and emails we've received over the past several months.

If this is your first time coming across the Android Police Files, here's what you should know: some of the people who reach out to us assume that there's a police force out there dedicated entirely to Android (whatever that means) or that we personally had a hand in every piece of code or software that comes out for their devices. Others are just plain paranoid.

Here, see for yourself.

APFiles2

Letter #1

This entry is not a letter, but a five-month-old comment (posted after our last edition of the Android Police Files) left on what is now a ten-month-old post titled "[APK Teardown] Google Play Services 4.4 Explodes With Android Wear Support, Firmware Installer, And Much More." It reads:

I dont really undrstand this stuff but in my personal opinion...as far as permussions go....well I think its all bs cuz they can get into n e thing on n e phone if they really wanted to.

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The xkcd Phone 2 Arrives With Always-On Speaker, MaxHD Cheek Touching Display, Coin Slot, And More

Following on the success of the original xkcd Phone (which featured a blend of Android and iOS, a side-facing camera, and the ability to scream when falling), a successor has arrived that offers some of the best tech that 2014 has to offer.

The xkcd Phone 2 includes a revolutionary always-on front-facing speaker, which the phone will use to automatically cry when lost. With a built-in, ribbed, auto-rotating case made of 3D materials, the handset should feel comfortable in any hand size. And in a year where phones argued that HD wasn't HD enough, the xkcd Phone 2's MaxHD display competes by cramming over 350 pixels onto its screen (and doubling as a cheek toucher).

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The Untold Story Of The HTC Nexus 9

This is a guest post by Manzi. Manzi is a UX Designer for the University of California, Irvine. He also moonlights doing Social Media for iO West, an improv comedy club in Hollywood. This article was originally posted on The Verge Android forums but has since been edited and enhanced with illustrations created for Android Police.

In a presidential memorial library somewhere out in the Sunnyvale area, cell carriers, hardware manufacturers, and innovators all came to dance in a single hall. The lights were dim. The music was passionate in the John Hughes kind of way.

clip_image002[4]

It was the November of 2007, and together they comprised the Open Handset Alliance.

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[The Android Police Files #9] I'm Very Happy To See Liam! And That Artem Loves To Sleep On The Floor

Greetings, loyal readers. Several months have passed since our last installment of the Android Police Files, and a few gems have piled up in that time. People have come to us with vague messages about Minecraft, stalkers, in-app purchases, and really weird dreams. Seriously, we're not sure what to make of that last one. Give it a read and let us know what you make of it.

APFiles2

Letter #1

Subject: I want to have an email

Text:

I want to apply an email & one account, one Google

One Google... Google One? Oh no, not another One!

Letter #2

Subject: Minecraft

Text: 

I am new at this game.

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[The Android Police Files #8] Hey Megaheads, Please Help Uninstall This Android Device From My Phone

Dearest readers, have we got the installment of Android Police Files for you today. Plenty of folks have emailed us over the past month and a half with their questions and concerns. Some sent in their criticisms, and others have even mailed us their personal monologues. We've searched through the metaphorical mail bag and selected eight messages we frankly couldn't just keep to ourselves. Please, read on. You're in for a treat.

APFiles2

Letter #1

Subject: Report

Text: 

<[email protected]> just iwould like to report this (they wos selling &rating all the items in the google play so that ineed&ilike it to stop selling&rating becouse when iwos getting is free sothat please &pls STOP them thanks.

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New HBO GO Ads Acknowledge That The Reason Most Of Us Watch Shows On Mobile Devices Has Little To Do With Features

HBO has a mobile app. It lets you watch shows, and it supports Chromecast. Really, that's all that matters here. There's little else it needs in the way of features that will determine whether or not users will turn to it when the opportunity comes to spend some time with HBO. The real question is - do you really want to watch all those sex scenes on the family TV?

Let's go through the checklist. Is your mom home?

What about your dad?

Both?

Heck, let's change roles for a second. Would you really want to walk in on your daughter watching this?

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[The Android Police Files #7] But I Must Request Assistance, I Am Requesting Assistance

A flood of email fills our inboxes over the course of a month, and as the generally somewhat vaguely nice people that we pride ourselves on being, we do our best to respond to them. But we're not a helpline, nor do we hold much sway over what Google, Samsung, or Sprint say, think, and do. We, frankly, are powerless to address some of the concerns people bring to us. It's sad, I know, but take a look for yourself.

APFiles2

Letter #1

Subject: NEED HELP

Text:

I WANT TO KNOW THAT IS THEIR ANT TRICK TO GET SHARE OPTION INSIDE MUSIC PLAYER OF NOTE 3 AS I DONT SEE ANY SHARE OPTION IN ANY KIT KAT DEVICE SO U HAVE ANY IDEA TO SHARE ALL SONGS AT ONCE TO SHARE VIA WHATS APP I DONT WANT TO ASTRO OR OTHER FILE MANAGER

First, press that caps lock key again and take a step back.

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The Hidden Easter Eggs Of The Google I/O 2014 Site

Did you know that the Google I/O 2014 site that went live earlier today doesn't just contain useful information about the event but also a healthy dose of geek humor, hidden away in debug messages? We have everything from clever word play to mentions of Globophobia to Doge to Star Trek references.

Bonus points to those of you who can recognize them all without Googling!

wm_3-26-2014 3-01-05 PM

Reticulating Splines...
There's more Ajax in this loader than an epic greek poem
♬ Reunited and it feels so good
Are you there, Boson? It's me, Margaret.
♬ Is he a dot, or is he a speck?

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[Best AOSP Bug Ever] Hi Guyz, Android Performance Problems To Be Fixed With New 'Performance Boosting Thing'

Have you noticed that your devices get slow sometimes? Is your memory usage out of control? One user was having these problems, decided to take matters into his own hands, file a bug report, and get this problem FIXED! User "Amit", clearly frustrated by the fact that his phone runs slower than cold molasses, took to Google's AOSP issue tracker for some help downloading more G-Bs.

hi guyz,

thanks for the awsome android. my feature request is about performance.i have used many of the android versioned mobile phone and tabs. in all that i noticed about the performance factor.can u guyz add some performace boosting thing on the next version or any update to existing.

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