Tag Heuer is a Swiss luxury watchmaker. Like most luxury watchmakers, its sole purpose is to convince you, the [probably male] consumer, through various lifestyle marketing and product placement deals that its product is for people who know what's up. It's hip. It's happening. It's trendy. It's classic. It's now. It's timeless - and it tells time. Also, something about precision Swiss engineering that doesn't really matter. Oh, and it will totally make you both attractive and fit in with wealthy people!

Above, you can see a silhouetted image of the company's upcoming smartwatch. It's a watch. It will tell time. It will also run Android Wear, and it will be powered by an Intel chipset (which Tag claims will be "upgradeable" down the road - a claim I thoroughly look forward to making fun of as they struggle to make good on it for years to come - thanks, Tag). It will cost around $1800, which is an utter waste of money.

You should not buy it. You should not tell your friends to buy it. You should tell your friends who would consider buying it that they should, in fact, not buy it. Why? Because it is terrible. That $10,000 Apple Watch we all like to make fun of for being so god damn awful? This is just 20% of the awfulness of that. That's still a lot of awfulness. Roughly 0.2 Apple Watch Editions of awful.

Tag Heuer is set to unveil its latest circular piece of advanced, Swiss-engineered Y-chromosome wrist-based marketing on November 9th.