Longtime readers of the Android Police Files will know that a couple things never change. Someone always mistakes us for the police. Someone else thinks we can fix any and all software-related problems. But then there's always a person that asks a question we never expect.

Here is the latest batch of letters. You tell us which are which.

Letter #1

facepalm

You can't. At least, not yet anyway. Such talk remains a rumor for now. But you're not entirely out of luck. Here's a simple process.

Step 1: Return your Lumia 535.

Step 2: Buy an Android phone.

Step 3: Run the Android apps.

Letter #2

For some reason this email came with four pictures of a 12-year-old looking dude attached. No, they weren't nude pics, but we're still not going to share them. They're ours now.

Subject: MY TABLET HAS BEEN STOLEN!!!!!! PLEASE I BEG YOU HELP ME GET IT BACK!!!

Text:

hellooo please help me! my tablet and beats headphones have been stolen. it happened yesterday in downtown Vancouver by the art gallery and I don't know who has it, stealing isn't right, if you guys could get my tablet and also my headphones or either, there will be a big reward for all who helps. Please do ur best.

You think we're the Android police? Right... well, unfortunately, we're based in the US, and Vancouver is outside of our jurisdiction. Let us forward you to the local branch.

Letter #3

Subject: Articles

Text:

When I open the website in my phone it's always the same article about buying a gold IPhone. Can you fix that?

If we were writing about gold iPhones, yeah, we'd probably need to fix that. But we aren't, so, sorry.

Letter #4

Subject: To Become a Editor For androidpolice.com

Text:
i am a 20 year old android lover my first phone was the galaxy nexus s and currently i own a nexus 5.
i love android and want to write columns for u

Drake

Letter #5

Subject: Isis Wallet

Text:

I don't want anything on my phone named Isis.  You were going to fix it a year ago.  Please stop adding it to my cell phone.

Don't look at us. We have nothing to do with Isis changing its name, and we have even less control over carriers pushing bloat onto your phone. Believe me. If we could stop that, we would. Oh how we would.

Letter #6

APBugTracker

I don't know how you stumbled upon the Android Police bug tracker when searching for a way to get around your Google Device Manager problem, but that's kind of impressive.

Letter #7

Subject: bedding, clothes

Text:

where can I find bedding, women clothing.

I'd try Amazon.

Letter #8

Subject: Hello Everyone

Text:

i Would Like To Review Apps And Submit Them To Android Police For Publishing

StarTrek

That's All Folks!

That's all for now, but if you need more wtf in your life, feel free to browse through our previous entries. Fortunately what you see above is not representative of all the feedback we receive. We couldn't do what we do without you, so don't hesitate to reach out to us. You can send us an email by checking out our contact page. If you prefer social media, you can find us on Google+, Twitter, and Facebook.

Until next time, keep it tuned right here for all things Android.