HowHigh are you? Oops. Hi, how are you? You'll have to forgive me, I'm a lil' buzzed right now, nothing illegal I swear, I have glaucoma and the doctor prescribed this herbal cure. Natural stuff he swore. But each time I take it, I get high-strung and paranoid, a pot. Lot. I said lot. This sounds so bong. DAMMIT, wrong. And sometimes it feels like I'm on a spinning wheel and... HAHAHAHAHAHA! Did I say spinning weed? That's funny. Billion dollar idea. A board game with weed types and you take whatever the wheel lands on. Tag line: It lights up so you light up.

I need to write this shit down. Where's my phone? Ah right, in my hand. Sorry, didn't see it there. I'm so glad I didn't get an iPhone, OH MY GAD a high phone!!! What's this? Ah yes, this new app on my Huaii... Hawuw... Wuahei... Hawaii... Fuck it. I can't say the name even when I'm not stoned. It's an Android phone OKAY?! And I just got this app on it. It's called HowHigh. No seriously. This is not a joint. Joke. Hehe, I did this one on purpose. Gotcha. Yeah so HowHigh, it's like Foursquare, you know with badges and stuff? But for marijuana. I'm not trippin' dude, but the developers probably were. Ahahaha, this one was good.

So they made this app, and it's available in all 23 US states where "medical marijuana" use is legal. I hear you can get it in Highland, California, and Weed, New Mexico, but not in Weedsville, Pennsylvania. Shit, the irony. They must be mad there. People be livin' the highlife in half the country and these poor Weedsvill'ians can't even match their namesake. High jinks!

 

Oh the app. Right. Maybe you like to get baked solo... no, that sounds paradoxical. You get baked so-high, that's better. Or maybe you do it as a group activity. Like yoga and hiking. Oh God, I swear this one was unintended. So this app, it lets you track your use of the good stuff. Like check in to the places you consume your "medicine," from basements to highways. See, I'm getting better at these puns. It's a high wire act, but I think I can slip some more without you noticing.

The app. Focus on the app. It also lets you track methods of ingestion and how you feel afterwards, ie. the highpoints of your experience. You can see the different strains of this herbal remedy being used around you or on a global level. But the highlight of the app is that you can "vouch" for friends. What's that? It sounds obscene?! Oh excuse me your highness, get off your moral highground, I know you've been dying to do just that.

The more you use HowHigh, the higher you rank. Hahaha, ain't that redundantly brilliant? Thing is, you should be sane enough to remember opening up the app in the first place to "document" your experience. And the weird part is that HowHigh is rated 12+, so you know, the developers aren't even pretending that highschoolers don't do drugs. Medical drugs, sorry.

HowHigh comes highly recommended from stoners like you, so if you want to try it out why don't you hightail it to the Play Store and grab it before the higher-ups at Google use their power to high-handedly remove it like they did with Green Exchange. I'll be damned, I'm making sense now and my puns are getting better. I think the effect has worn off. Brb, brownie time.