30
May
APFiles2-Thumb

Dearest readers, have we got the installment of Android Police Files for you today. Plenty of folks have emailed us over the past month and a half with their questions and concerns. Some sent in their criticisms, and others have even mailed us their personal monologues. We've searched through the metaphorical mail bag and selected eight messages we frankly couldn't just keep to ourselves. Please, read on. You're in for a treat.

APFiles2

Letter #1

Subject: Report

Text: 

<[email protected]> just iwould like to report this (they wos selling &rating all the items in the google play so that ineed&ilike it to stop selling&rating becouse when iwos getting is free sothat please &pls STOP them thanks.

Like the real-life police departments that we only occasionally pride ourselves on emulating, we sadly can't expend time and manpower on every issue that crosses our desk. But after your use of "pls STOP them thanks," how can we say no? It may just be the most effective closing since SOON BACKANSWER

Letter #2

Subject: I'm was singled out tonight.someone all week has been controlling my mobile .nothing was working when it tried to get help the mic came on and this person taunted me humiliated me.i begged post people from Google Noone answered me.they think I'm weird and crazy.i think this was done with getting me to leave google. Why? I'm not like everybody else? I'm a person with feelings and very ill.bodily.this event was done obviously by one of your staff try Joel or you andrew why.tomorrow in report this to authorit

Text: (no text)

Yes, this entire message was contained in the subject line, and it came from someone using an EarthLink address.

Letter #3

Subject: having a problem with google wallet card about my commodity payment

Text:

i am having problem with men in u.s bother me they live here to and other women as well i don't even know please help my address is <REDACTED> texas <REDACTED> phone number is <REDACTED> please call me about problems they will hurt me and they wear my clothes and shoe name from trademark of ecommerce web store trying to take the manufacture a black man is they ride the bus and the dart train dart in dallas texas i have been to jail in the past about my own stocks and commodity payment from cloud bssed no woman or man is paying gor my stocks or commodity products please respond to me i live in the u..s they want food from ecommerce manufactures and also the serial number of product to sell my manufacture marketplace ecommerce and they called a stock broker to take me to court about my own technology payment from cloud and also he send me emails on this google search about cashing out on bitcoin android police to steal all my commoditys that's on market called credit suisse ag group that's on the stock market in the u.s and u.k trading at $26-$29 dollars a item with 1.5 million items on credit suisse group ag that's on u.s united stated stock chart u.s consumer are stealing like crazy and fight me and other business people as well will not pay a woman job or man job at google wallet card customer service to process my payment at retail stores only the atm fee and n***** people from ghana or kenya countries i will not pay they job at all they full of shit i get social security checks $618 a month and food stamps $189. ounce a month please god help i am having problem the men in the united states mistreat me about this commodity payment but not other woman or men just me other name is coco please sir i need your help it me from 2003 until 2014 april 18,2014 thursday to find my ecommerce payment from cloud internet and payment gateway please help the banks in u.s want to take all my commoditys and clothes and shoes from my account and cash out through a broker bitcoin please help o.k a man is talking now please he at my door in the house please talking to me about his blood if i cut him his name is mr. <REDACTED> and mrs. <REDACTED> on <REDACTED> texas <REDACTED> he following me around every where about my commodity payment thanks

Wat?

Letter #4

Subject: (no subject)

Text:

I'm a Teenager: I have a messy room. I spend most of my time online. I have private shit on my phone. I go to bed late do whatever the fuck I like and I'm crazy about 1 person.

I think you confused our site for a Tumblr page. Feel free to write your silence there, as we tend to be a little more judgmental around these parts.

Letter #5

Subject: Important

Text:

Please help uninstall this Android device from my phone. It was installed without my knowledge and can or is being used to control the settings on this device. Very frustrating and inconvienent! Thank you

APFiles8Meme

Letter #6

Subject: Wifi

Text:

I am currently overseas in the service and I am looking for good wifi to play my games . Do yoh guys support overseas

 Sent from my iPhone

We support all the seas equally and don't discriminate.

Letter #7

Subject: Wordpress theme

Text:

Hello, I liked your theme for WordPress and would like to download it, you sent me a link :) ?

Then a day later.

Hi i like your wordpress theme please send me his name ? :)

Sorry, our WordPress theme is private. He's very shy.

Letter #8

Subject: Security on Facebook

Text:

Hey megaheads, Face book does not have security. Evertime I activate to get news from friends I get bombarded my every drug dealer and pervert in this galaxy, thats a lot of scum. Facebook has such a cavalier attitude and does not give a shit about its users.
It pains me to see countries using this fucked up mode of communication. I am sorry for those poor girls and their parents in Nigeria. Don’t post it on Facebook. Call President Obama, who has his hands filled due to a new Hitler. But he is a good man who will help that situation as any American, Black or White will join in stopping this horrible statement of mankind. Please pray for these poor girls.

Thanks, Obama.

That's All Folks!

This may just be my favorite batch of emails yet. Thanks, everyone, for continuing to turn to us for all of your Android-related questions, and please feel free to hit up our contact page with more. If your inquiry is particularly stellar, it may end up in the Android Police Files at some point in the future. Don't worry though, we won't tell anyone who you are. We may not have all the answers, but we do have our dignity.

Until next time, here are all of our previous installments to keep your company. We'll be right here continuing to look after all things Android.

Bertel King, Jr.
Born and raised in the rural South, Bertel knows what it's like to live without 4G LTE - or 3G, for that matter. The only things he likes sweeter than his tea are his gadgets, and while few objects burn more than a metal phone on a summer day, he prefers them that way anyway.

  • Mahbub

    This is awesome

  • heat361

    Letter #2 "they think I'm weird and crazy."

    No not at all...
    http://a.gifb.in/112010/1290603068_crazy-brazilian-murderer-interview.gif

    • http://www.scottcolbert.com/ ScottColbert

      Can't...look...away...

  • Matthew Blank

    I like to imagine most of these people believe you to be a Robot Police Force, please never correct them.

  • Anthoni

    God... You guys are such megaheads...

  • What the what?

    "Yes, this entire message was contained in the subject line"

    Just...

    ....damn.

  • duke69111

    Steller!

  • TraceBuster

    Letter #8:

    Good news, we've identified the source of your unwanted messages. They are coming from Mos Eisley

  • SeriouslyStupid

    #3 sounds really serious. Talking about cutting people.

  • Arthur Dent

    Letter #2 writer:

    It sounds like you are upset at Joel and Andrew singling you out. I think AP would have taken quick and decisive action if you had just closed your email with:

    "pls STOP them thanks".

  • CeluGeek

    My guess is that #5 is referring to the Android Device Manager. I don't know if it can get pushed to devices by Google, or maybe it appeared after a firmware update.

  • MeGaHeAD

    thats a lot of scum

  • Fatal1ty_93_RUS

    Today is a great day for Android police - for it is May 30th when a new AP was born.. We call it: .... "pls STOP them thanks"

    (FUS-RO-DAH)

    *Dragonborn theme plays*

  • Nick

    "Please help uninstall this Android device from my phone."

    This could be one of those people who think their Galaxy S5 is actually a "galaxy" and doesn't run Android and got freaked out when they saw "Android Version" in the settings instead of "Galaxy Version"

  • Captain Spaulding
  • Gsizzle

    "Pre-installed Android device on your Android device" LMAO ... too good.

  • Sruly J

    What a great way to end my weekend.

    Poll idea for next week: Are you a "SOON BACKANSWER" type of person, or a "pls STOP them thanks" fellow? ;-)

    • Kcls

      Or a Megahead?

      • Sruly J

        Definitely

  • Blue Sun

    What a great thread to end my four day work week & start my weekend! Thanks AP!

    • cbstryker

      Thanks, Obama!

  • Matthew Fry

    Is it zombie Hitler?

  • Steve Freeman

    #3 has to be a a record for the longest sentence in recorded history.

    • Ivan Myring

      There's a sentence in "The Rotter's Club" that is thirteen thousand and something words.

      • Steve Freeman

        That's just ridiculous...

      • Gary Hicks

        Then that's not a sentence.......

  • Vardan Nazaretyan

    #3 might as well be the longest sentence I've ever read. Never thought a sentence can go that long lol.

  • IcerC

    I'm thinking letter 5 is in response to the new powered by android text on the boot screen.

    • Guest

      Letter 5!? o.O

  • thartist

    #1: How can some people be so illiterate... Even of English is not your first language. It scares me, i swear...

    • Impheatus

      "Even of English" ?? LOL

      • APOI

        Irony Level : Over 9000 ;-)

      • thartist

        Swype does that all the time :(

        • Stephan Reich

          Time to get that Flesky keyboard

  • MyLeftNut

    Letter #5 is the least craziest of the bunch. Probably bought a used phone that has android device manager on it and the seller might be remotely yanking their chain. Not likely but I need a silver lining and the crazy has to end somewhere....

  • http://mekakiwi.blogspot.com.br/ ED-Z が あらわれた!

    Letter 5 is obviously about Android Device Manager that was indeed pushed to Android devices without user consent.

    Yeah... I have experience dealing with people with poor communication skills...

  • http://www.bordersweather.co.uk/ Andy J

    Well, if Google think the author of letter #2 is crazy... I'm happy to let Google be the decider on that one. I suppose there is bound to be someone at Google called Joel or Andrew. Oh god - I'm called Andrew, and I'm on this site! Do you think they are talking about me?!

  • http://www.bordersweather.co.uk/ Andy J

    PS - Megaheads might just be the politest insult I have ever seen!

    • Crispin Swickard

      Is it an insult though?

    • Stephan Reich

      I thought it was the meanest compliment...

  • http://www.LOVEanon.org/ Michael Oghia (Ogie)

    It's not even funny, I just feel bad for these people :/

    • APOI

      Why So Serious ?

      • http://www.LOVEanon.org/ Michael Oghia (Ogie)

        It's just sad. And I didn't laugh. I think that was disappointing.

        • APOI

          Let's Put A Smile in That Face ^_^

  • Samyak Ranjan

    "I think you confused our site for a Tumblr page. Feel free to write your silence there, as we tend to be a little more judgmental around these parts."

    Bwahahahahha XD

  • Techngro

    We really shouldn't be laughing at crazy people...

    ...but what the hell...ROFLMAO!

  • Bob Hart

    does mega head refer to the one the writers didn't use or the other one that gets more use

  • lynx

    Wow... no other comments on "Sent from my iPhone"?!

  • Stephan Reich

    Hey megaheads,
    Please help uninstall this Android device from my phone

    SOON BACKANSWER!! &pls STOP them thanks.

  • Pls Stop Them Thanks

    Your job... I like your job.

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