Dearest readers, have we got the installment of Android Police Files for you today. Plenty of folks have emailed us over the past month and a half with their questions and concerns. Some sent in their criticisms, and others have even mailed us their personal monologues. We've searched through the metaphorical mail bag and selected eight messages we frankly couldn't just keep to ourselves. Please, read on. You're in for a treat.

APFiles2

Letter #1

Subject: Report

Text: 

<[email protected]> just iwould like to report this (they wos selling &rating all the items in the google play so that ineed&ilike it to stop selling&rating becouse when iwos getting is free sothat please &pls STOP them thanks.

Like the real-life police departments that we only occasionally pride ourselves on emulating, we sadly can't expend time and manpower on every issue that crosses our desk. But after your use of "pls STOP them thanks," how can we say no? It may just be the most effective closing since SOON BACKANSWER

Letter #2

Subject: I'm was singled out tonight.someone all week has been controlling my mobile .nothing was working when it tried to get help the mic came on and this person taunted me humiliated me.i begged post people from Google Noone answered me.they think I'm weird and crazy.i think this was done with getting me to leave google. Why? I'm not like everybody else? I'm a person with feelings and very ill.bodily.this event was done obviously by one of your staff try Joel or you andrew why.tomorrow in report this to authorit

Text: (no text)

Yes, this entire message was contained in the subject line, and it came from someone using an EarthLink address.

Letter #3

Subject: having a problem with google wallet card about my commodity payment

Text:

i am having problem with men in u.s bother me they live here to and other women as well i don't even know please help my address is <REDACTED> texas <REDACTED> phone number is <REDACTED> please call me about problems they will hurt me and they wear my clothes and shoe name from trademark of ecommerce web store trying to take the manufacture a black man is they ride the bus and the dart train dart in dallas texas i have been to jail in the past about my own stocks and commodity payment from cloud bssed no woman or man is paying gor my stocks or commodity products please respond to me i live in the u..s they want food from ecommerce manufactures and also the serial number of product to sell my manufacture marketplace ecommerce and they called a stock broker to take me to court about my own technology payment from cloud and also he send me emails on this google search about cashing out on bitcoin android police to steal all my commoditys that's on market called credit suisse ag group that's on the stock market in the u.s and u.k trading at $26-$29 dollars a item with 1.5 million items on credit suisse group ag that's on u.s united stated stock chart u.s consumer are stealing like crazy and fight me and other business people as well will not pay a woman job or man job at google wallet card customer service to process my payment at retail stores only the atm fee and n***** people from ghana or kenya countries i will not pay they job at all they full of shit i get social security checks $618 a month and food stamps $189. ounce a month please god help i am having problem the men in the united states mistreat me about this commodity payment but not other woman or men just me other name is coco please sir i need your help it me from 2003 until 2014 april 18,2014 thursday to find my ecommerce payment from cloud internet and payment gateway please help the banks in u.s want to take all my commoditys and clothes and shoes from my account and cash out through a broker bitcoin please help o.k a man is talking now please he at my door in the house please talking to me about his blood if i cut him his name is mr. <REDACTED> and mrs. <REDACTED> on <REDACTED> texas <REDACTED> he following me around every where about my commodity payment thanks

Wat?

Letter #4

Subject: (no subject)

Text:

I'm a Teenager: I have a messy room. I spend most of my time online. I have private shit on my phone. I go to bed late do whatever the fuck I like and I'm crazy about 1 person.

I think you confused our site for a Tumblr page. Feel free to write your silence there, as we tend to be a little more judgmental around these parts.

Letter #5

Subject: Important

Text:

Please help uninstall this Android device from my phone. It was installed without my knowledge and can or is being used to control the settings on this device. Very frustrating and inconvienent! Thank you

APFiles8Meme

Letter #6

Subject: Wifi

Text:

I am currently overseas in the service and I am looking for good wifi to play my games . Do yoh guys support overseas

 Sent from my iPhone

We support all the seas equally and don't discriminate.

Letter #7

Subject: Wordpress theme

Text:

Hello, I liked your theme for WordPress and would like to download it, you sent me a link :) ?

Then a day later.

Hi i like your wordpress theme please send me his name ? :)

Sorry, our WordPress theme is private. He's very shy.

Letter #8

Subject: Security on Facebook

Text:

Hey megaheads, Face book does not have security. Evertime I activate to get news from friends I get bombarded my every drug dealer and pervert in this galaxy, thats a lot of scum. Facebook has such a cavalier attitude and does not give a shit about its users.
It pains me to see countries using this fucked up mode of communication. I am sorry for those poor girls and their parents in Nigeria. Don’t post it on Facebook. Call President Obama, who has his hands filled due to a new Hitler. But he is a good man who will help that situation as any American, Black or White will join in stopping this horrible statement of mankind. Please pray for these poor girls.

Thanks, Obama.

That's All Folks!

This may just be my favorite batch of emails yet. Thanks, everyone, for continuing to turn to us for all of your Android-related questions, and please feel free to hit up our contact page with more. If your inquiry is particularly stellar, it may end up in the Android Police Files at some point in the future. Don't worry though, we won't tell anyone who you are. We may not have all the answers, but we do have our dignity.

Until next time, here are all of our previous installments to keep your company. We'll be right here continuing to look after all things Android.