26
Apr
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The titular beach bum in Beach God doesn't have a name, but he looks like a Chad. I'm going to call him Chad. Chad is hoping to impress the voluptuous ladies strolling past his tiki bar, using the time-honored technique of flexing his biceps and pectorals. His motivation might not be entirely lust-driven, because if just one of the ladies passes him when he's not flexing, he literally dies of embarrassment.

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But here's the rub: Chad also dies if he flexes for too long, presumably collapsing into a pile of bones because he just couldn't handle the strain. Since the beach is littered with a never-ending procession of identical pixelated hotties, he's in quite the pickle. He can take a rest in the brief time when an oncoming lady doesn't spot him... if another coming from the other direction isn't already looking at him. Death, either from the shame of being tormented by a bikinied blonde or from oxygen deprivation, is inevitable.

Beach God has that annoying, simple, one-more-try quality that hooks people into games like Flappy Bird. And with a single-tap design, it's easy enough to squeeze in a few rounds just about anywhere. The game uses the worn-out pixelated visual style, but since the developer seems to be more self-aware than most indie devs ("incredible 16-bit graphics that will appeal to your inner hipster") I'm willing to overlook it. Beach God is free with no in-app purchases.

Michael Crider
Michael is a native Texan and a former graphic designer. He's been covering technology in general and Android in particular since 2011. His interests include folk music, football, science fiction, and salsa verde, in no particular order.

  • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

    If you think Flappy Bird was annoying and frustrating, I think you'll find Beach God absolutely infuriating.

    • someone755

      Actually, retarded blondes won't play it and make it the center of attention. I therefore approve of this game, no matter its level of infuriation.

      • susan596

        my Aunty Grace got a nearly new blue Kia by working part
        time from the internet. look at this now C­a­s­h­D­u­t­i­e­s­.­ℂ­o­m

        • Paul

          Speaking of retarded blondes...

    • Rio

      Lol, thanks for the tip, I'll avoid this game :D

  • spacekobra

    30 points. That's enough for me.

  • NinoBr0wn

    I was going to say this game is amazing. But what I really mean is this game's existence is amazing.

    • someone755

      Amazing as in "wow it exists!" or "wow I can't believe someone was stupid enough to make this?"

      • NinoBr0wn

        I'll leave the choice up to you.

        • someone755

          My reaction after reading the post was a mixture of both, but leaned more towards the good "WOW" factor.
          Though "Autumn Walk" is a much better time-wasting, single-button game.

  • Guest

    it's me :o

  • http://www.flickr.com/photos/77537273@N03/ Herman

    He does look like a Chad o_O'

  • Sky

    considering i flex every single time i pass a mirror , this seems like the game for me.. although i don't die if i flex for too long lol.. I guess it's a good thing i bought a tough case a head of time , so when my phone goes flying into walls i can feels less guilty.

  • Godspoken

    No gay version?! Discrimination!

    • Matthew Fry

      There should at least be a boss where you encounter another Chad-like fellow and you have to flex at each other to prove your dominance :-P

      • Robb Nunya

        And that would determine who's top and who's bottom! Ohhhh My!

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