10
Apr
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A flood of email fills our inboxes over the course of a month, and as the generally somewhat vaguely nice people that we pride ourselves on being, we do our best to respond to them. But we're not a helpline, nor do we hold much sway over what Google, Samsung, or Sprint say, think, and do. We, frankly, are powerless to address some of the concerns people bring to us. It's sad, I know, but take a look for yourself.

APFiles2

Letter #1

Subject: NEED HELP

Text:

I WANT TO KNOW THAT IS THEIR ANT TRICK TO GET SHARE OPTION INSIDE MUSIC PLAYER OF NOTE 3 AS I DONT SEE ANY SHARE OPTION IN ANY KIT KAT DEVICE SO U HAVE ANY IDEA TO SHARE ALL SONGS AT ONCE TO SHARE VIA WHATS APP I DONT WANT TO ASTRO OR OTHER FILE MANAGER

First, press that caps lock key again and take a step back. Good, now breathe. Take another breath. Now, let's start over. What are you trying to say?

And why is your Note 3 performing ant tricks?

Letter #2

Subject: Over charged sprint

Text:

My account with sprint was over charged. By your company. You all charged my debit card and sprint bill. I need my money reimbursed. For all charges I can't afford to pay from debit card and phone bill

We aren't in any way affiliated with Sprint. Heck, none of us are even Sprint customers. Okay, sure, I technically am since I'm a Ting user, but as the guy at the local Sprint store had no problem telling me when I went searching for a difficult-to-find Sprint SIM card for my then brand new Nexus 5 - I'm not in their system.

Letter #3

Subject: (no subject)

Text:

Can Samsung please make another update where the mini's (S4 mini S3mini etc) can have S beam on them cause S beam is a really good feature and it would only benefit everyone. Please reply ASAP

Okay, we can actually help with this one. Working with our solid group of contacts, we got Samsung to go back in time and already include the feature on the Galaxy S4 mini to begin with. Check it out.

There's a catch, though. You need the LTE version of the device, as Samsung still opted not to include the requisite hardware in the other models. Like I said, we can only do so much.

Letter #4

Subject: i do not have any market applications like apple itunes and google play store on my android gingerbeard

Text:

sir please suggest me your precious opinion and advice on installing i tunes and google play.

I don't know how to break it to you, but itunes is a no-go.

If your device doesn't have Google Play installed, you're better off buying a new one that does. Sure, there's a chance your Gingerbread device has an older version still labeled as the Android Market, but in that case, you're still better off getting something new. I know most people don't have the money lying around to throw at the latest flagship, but there really are some cheap Android phones going around these days if all you need is Play Store access.

Letter #5

Subject: Google OEM

Text:

Hi all,

I'm designing a devide use Android OS. Could you tell me how to get lisence of Google to use Android OS for go to maket.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

Thanks and best regards..

Color me skeptical, but I'll point you in the right direction nonetheless. Here's the section of a really long FAQ pertinent to what you want to get done.

Letter #6

Subject: (no subject)

Text:

Please advise why as well as the specifics regarding the restrictions placed on my internet access. Sprint has admitted & agreed to provide a monetary credit up to 3 months. I have discovered source code approved by Google enabling control of my information access. Please have a google representative contact me. Google also sent me info to have me request tech support free of charge. But I must request assistance.

I am requesting assistance.

XXXXXXXX YYYYYYYY
PHONE-NUMBER

You don't contact Google. Google contacts you.

I've already said too much. I can hear them coming after me, and I must request assistance.

I am requesting assistance.

Letter #7

Subject: Security

Text:

My phone is not secure now n I need your help unblinking my phone from my harrasser. Please help me. Your service is needed to secure my life from those whom abuse your service.

Ouch. There's nothing worse than a blinked phone. I've learned that the hard way.

Let's see what we can do.

Letter #8

Subject: i android geek & very much intrested in working with u.im from india

Text:

hello sir,,im huge fan of androidpolice.com..this is superb site..as im android geek n lover ..i would like to work with u regarding new apps , reviews ,posts r any news regarding android.pls do consider me.

What[4]

That's All Folks!

We hope these letters have brightened your day. If they have, consider taking a look at our previous installments. Some of these things are even funnier the second time.

Don't let this series dissuade you from reaching out to us. Feel free to hit up our contact page, and we'll do our best to SOON BACKANSWER. There is the chance that some of your amusing messages will end up on display in a future installment, but don't worry, we won't show anyone who you are. Scout's* honor.**

*Remind me to check if anyone on the Android Police staff has ever been a boy scout.

**Or has any honor.

Bertel King, Jr.
Born and raised in the rural South, Bertel knows what it's like to live without 4G LTE - or 3G, for that matter. The only things he likes sweeter than his tea are his gadgets, and while few objects burn more than a metal phone on a summer day, he prefers them that way anyway.

  • h4rr4r

    #1 Caps lock is cruise control for cool.

  • RedPandaAlex

    I think I figured out what's going on here. Some of these people think you're actually the Android Police.

    • sahaj

      When you have the tagline "looking after all things Android", it's easy to see why this would happen.

      • KingofPing

        Woah...

        Mind = Blown!

    • http://AndroidPolice.com/ Liam Spradlin

      This was actually confirmed two days ago by Fox News Insider (no really) http://foxnewsinsider.com/2014/04/08/google-play-stores-1-paid-app-total-scam

      • Matthew Fry

        That is freakin' amazing.

      • Matthew Fry

        That is freakin' amazing.

      • RedPandaAlex

        That is glorious.

        Well, keep up the good work. Protect and serve and all that.

      • Brendan

        "Apple store doesn't let viruses on ur fone and therefore it's better!!!111!!!11! This app stole money and now google is gona pay 4 what they have done to 10000+ users. Stuff like dis happenz evryday! Get an iPhone and u will b safe from damage!!!1!!!!!!11!!!"

        • Justin W

          And we can update your old 4S to be waterproof too.

          • Brendan

            Yeah, and charge it with microwaves! Everyone has those, so it all works out! Apple is the best evar!!!11!!!!11!

        • Justin W

          And we can update your old 4S to be waterproof too.

    • http://bertelking.com/ Bertel King, Jr.
    • Simon Belmont

      Yes. I think that's the idea (people think they're actual Android OS authorities that enforce the Android laws).

      Question. Does your Red Panda have a Gingerbeard?

    • Arthur Dent

      Yes, but do the Android Police have Gingerbeards? Do they use a Honey comb to groom them?

      SOON BACKANSWER.

  • WORPspeed

    I'd love to work at a retail store and in response to some stupid customer telling me off reply to them: What you gonna do? Call the Android police? And then give them your email address hoping to read their email here :P

    • Justin W

      When they get no response, or a not-helpful response, no you wouldn't love that lol.

  • http://AndroidPolice.com/ Liam Spradlin

    "Gingerbeard"

    • Chapa

      YOU CAN NEVER BE MORE COOL THAN WITH A GINGERBEARD AT THE PARTY.

      AND CAPSLOCK:ON.

    • Mike S

      Liam, Fixed it for you. Now it's a "Gingerbeard".

  • http://AndroidPolice.com/ Liam Spradlin

    "Gingerbeard"

  • http://thegumshoe.com/ Michael Crider

    If Android 2.3 had been called "gingerbeard," I would still be using it.

    • elchuby

      this made me laugh out loud jaja

    • elchuby

      this made me laugh out loud jaja

      • Arthur Dent

        jajaja

    • Andrew Kachaniwsky

      Best part of this post.

    • Huthaifa

      No, you wouldn't

  • thartist

    a NEED HELPS WITH MY LIFE CAUS NO MY MOTHER KILL ME! CAN YOU SEN ME MONEY? THANKS, NEED HELP!

    • Arthur Dent

      I am requesting assistance.

      • http://mwinter.in/ Yan Gabriel MinĂ¡rio

        But I must request assistance.

        • Cesar

          SOON BACKANSWER

    • Android Developer

      I NEED ASSISTANCE WITH MY CAPS LOCK!!!

      :)

  • Simon Belmont

    Hahaha. Lost it at the "blinked phone" post.

    Android 2.3 Gingerbeard: The OS of redheads the world over.

    • Android Developer

      What's a "blinked phone" ?

      • Simon Belmont

        That's the point. It makes no sense.

        It's in one of the posts above in the article. Check it out.

        • Android Developer

          I have read it there. Just thought that maybe someone knows what it means.
          guess it's nothing...

  • alexcue

    artem pls

  • http://www.bordersweather.co.uk/ Andy J

    Well letter #8 is no good - they know who you actually are - as opposed to the countless others who think you are something else entirely. Please however, don't let #8 work for you - in general the editorial standards of Android Police are quite high, and I suspect #8 learnt their English from Twitter and SMS messages.

  • Ben

    As a ginger, I want one of these Android Gingerbeard devices!

  • https://plus.google.com/108596272537415356460/posts Jason Farrell

    Thank you so much androidpolice team. I am requesting assistance. Its really great user friendly and smooth.

    But I MUST request assistance now.

    Also... much wow. chocolate rain. all your base r belong to android? and is bert evil?

  • Hayden Lueck

    thank u android police i have been waiting this post
    it is really great user friendly and smooth
    pls do consider me

  • David Hart

    I love the scientific approach of Letter #5. It's like you can actually see through the words and into an aspiring developer's eyes. Or you just like making fools.

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