A flood of email fills our inboxes over the course of a month, and as the generally somewhat vaguely nice people that we pride ourselves on being, we do our best to respond to them. But we're not a helpline, nor do we hold much sway over what Google, Samsung, or Sprint say, think, and do. We, frankly, are powerless to address some of the concerns people bring to us. It's sad, I know, but take a look for yourself.

APFiles2

Letter #1

Subject: NEED HELP

Text:

I WANT TO KNOW THAT IS THEIR ANT TRICK TO GET SHARE OPTION INSIDE MUSIC PLAYER OF NOTE 3 AS I DONT SEE ANY SHARE OPTION IN ANY KIT KAT DEVICE SO U HAVE ANY IDEA TO SHARE ALL SONGS AT ONCE TO SHARE VIA WHATS APP I DONT WANT TO ASTRO OR OTHER FILE MANAGER

First, press that caps lock key again and take a step back. Good, now breathe. Take another breath. Now, let's start over. What are you trying to say?

And why is your Note 3 performing ant tricks?

Letter #2

Subject: Over charged sprint

Text:

My account with sprint was over charged. By your company. You all charged my debit card and sprint bill. I need my money reimbursed. For all charges I can't afford to pay from debit card and phone bill

We aren't in any way affiliated with Sprint. Heck, none of us are even Sprint customers. Okay, sure, I technically am since I'm a Ting user, but as the guy at the local Sprint store had no problem telling me when I went searching for a difficult-to-find Sprint SIM card for my then brand new Nexus 5 - I'm not in their system.

Letter #3

Subject: (no subject)

Text:

Can Samsung please make another update where the mini's (S4 mini S3mini etc) can have S beam on them cause S beam is a really good feature and it would only benefit everyone. Please reply ASAP

Okay, we can actually help with this one. Working with our solid group of contacts, we got Samsung to go back in time and already include the feature on the Galaxy S4 mini to begin with. Check it out.

There's a catch, though. You need the LTE version of the device, as Samsung still opted not to include the requisite hardware in the other models. Like I said, we can only do so much.

Letter #4

Subject: i do not have any market applications like apple itunes and google play store on my android gingerbeard

Text:

sir please suggest me your precious opinion and advice on installing i tunes and google play.

I don't know how to break it to you, but itunes is a no-go.

If your device doesn't have Google Play installed, you're better off buying a new one that does. Sure, there's a chance your Gingerbread device has an older version still labeled as the Android Market, but in that case, you're still better off getting something new. I know most people don't have the money lying around to throw at the latest flagship, but there really are some cheap Android phones going around these days if all you need is Play Store access.

Letter #5

Subject: Google OEM

Text:

Hi all,

I'm designing a devide use Android OS. Could you tell me how to get lisence of Google to use Android OS for go to maket.

I'm looking forward to hearing from you.

Thanks and best regards..

Color me skeptical, but I'll point you in the right direction nonetheless. Here's the section of a really long FAQ pertinent to what you want to get done.

Letter #6

Subject: (no subject)

Text:

Please advise why as well as the specifics regarding the restrictions placed on my internet access. Sprint has admitted & agreed to provide a monetary credit up to 3 months. I have discovered source code approved by Google enabling control of my information access. Please have a google representative contact me. Google also sent me info to have me request tech support free of charge. But I must request assistance.

I am requesting assistance.

XXXXXXXX YYYYYYYY
PHONE-NUMBER

You don't contact Google. Google contacts you.

I've already said too much. I can hear them coming after me, and I must request assistance.

I am requesting assistance.

Letter #7

Subject: Security

Text:

My phone is not secure now n I need your help unblinking my phone from my harrasser. Please help me. Your service is needed to secure my life from those whom abuse your service.

Ouch. There's nothing worse than a blinked phone. I've learned that the hard way.

Let's see what we can do.

Letter #8

Subject: i android geek & very much intrested in working with u.im from india

Text:

hello sir,,im huge fan of androidpolice.com..this is superb site..as im android geek n lover ..i would like to work with u regarding new apps , reviews ,posts r any news regarding android.pls do consider me.

What[4]

That's All Folks!

We hope these letters have brightened your day. If they have, consider taking a look at our previous installments. Some of these things are even funnier the second time.

Don't let this series dissuade you from reaching out to us. Feel free to hit up our contact page, and we'll do our best to SOON BACKANSWER. There is the chance that some of your amusing messages will end up on display in a future installment, but don't worry, we won't show anyone who you are. Scout's* honor.**

*Remind me to check if anyone on the Android Police staff has ever been a boy scout.

**Or has any honor.