There is an app for pretty much everything at this point. It's like rule 34 for smartphones, and that's where Type Your Ringtone comes in. You just enter some text, and the app turns it into a ringtone. What, this isn't what you've always wanted?

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The app includes a variety of voices, including US English, French, UK English, and more. You can also fill the text with English words and pick another language for a different accent. Actually, you should do this – it's amusing. Want to see how it works? If you insist.

Type Your Ringtone saves the clips and lets you set them as ringtones or notifications within the app. The free app has ads and no options beyond the voice selection. The paid app costs $1.00 and includes settings for the voice pitch and speed. There are also no ads or limits on the number of ringtones you can store.