20
Feb
APFiles2-Thumb

Nearly two months have passed since our last installment of the Android Police Files, so I'm not going to spend much time on the introduction this time around. You already know what you're in for. Below are eight emails that several people out there mistakenly thought contained either legitimate questions or useful information of some kind. Unfortunately, grammar or common sense (but usually grammar) got in the way. Anyway, you've been more than patient, so without further ado, I present to you our sixth installment.

APFiles2

Letter #1

Subject: (no subject)

Text:

Hai bro i want to ask you a question may i

want to know which 3D games would run on my android phone it has 204 mb ram and 1Ghz processer

Bro, are you aware that requesting my permission to ask a question is, in itself, asking a question? You should first ask for my permission to ask for my permission to ask a question.

Anyway, since you didn't actually wait for my permission, I'll just answer your second question:

None.

Letter #2

Subject: I know u will !

Text:

Good day Android police can u do somthing for me ?Can u send me a free android phone like HTC Wildfire S its nothing for you ... i wana to get a new phone but i dont have a money ! IF you do that for me i will be very happy i dont need some machine like galaxy ... i just need low specs android please dont ignore me if u do that i will give u a gift ! BYE.

The anticipation of what this gift could be is killing us.

Letter #3

Subject: Tell me How can dwonloding Rooting

Text: (no text)

No

Letter #4

Subject: tablet

Text:

To whom it may concern

I bought a hisense sero 7 pro from walmart right after thanksgiving the tablet has worked great

until yesterday was charging the tablet and it stopped working won't even turn on. When I bought the tablet I didn't have enough money for insurance. so I am writing to see what you can do for me in replacing the tablet. I will even send this one back if needed. Hope to hear from you soon.

Thank You

When did "To whom it may concern" become an acceptable greeting? It sounds so stiff and lifeless, a lot like that tablet that, sorry, we can't help you with.

Letter #5

Subject: I need Kitkat

Text:

Plz bro i need kitkat 4.4 stock android Apk file for my galaxy s4...

Bro, I got you. Just hit up this totally legitimate post: [APK Download] Android 4.4 KitKat For Every Android Device Ever

PageNotFound

Letter #6

Subject: Password I'm tired a bit I'm trying to download the app I have to go to is crap

Text:

XXXXXXXXXXXXX@gmail.com

What? Sure.

Letter #7

Subject: i have a prepaid visa

Text:

i play mafia wars..want to buy diamonds with the card..how do i do it on goggle play....tryin not to use my card i been using..hiding what i spend from my wife..u know how men do..so i need help.

Porn? Hookers? Sure. A gambling problem, a drug addiction, a dead body - all things I'd understand you wanting to hide from your wife. Mafia Wars? Even worse. Go here.

Letter #8

Subject: Prolem

Text:

What is root mean

Dude, have I got the post for you.

That's All Folks!

We hope these letters have put a smile on your face. If for whatever reason they haven't, feel free to hit up our contact page and complain away. There's a decent chance we'll copy and paste your vitriol in a future installment of the Android Police Files. Don't worry, we won't tell anyone who you are. That isn't our style. Usually, anyway.

Bertel King, Jr.
Born and raised in the rural South, Bertel knows what it's like to live without 4G LTE - or 3G, for that matter. The only things he likes sweeter than his tea are his gadgets, and while few objects burn more than a metal phone on a summer day, he prefers them that way anyway.

  • Ricardo Kummel

    Can't have enough of this. Thanks for the "lol".

  • Harit Singh

    Plz bro

  • jonzey231

    "What is root mean?"Hahahah oh and I can't wait until someone develops an apk to install KitKat. Hahahaha oh I love people. Reminds me of all those times I would take my Droid X somewhere and people would ask "is that one of the older iPhone things, or is that just some smartphone?"

  • David Loman

    Guys, thank you for a good laugh! "Have I got the post for you" hahaha. Beautiful!

  • Tomáš Petrík

    Answer to #3 cracked me :D
    Anyway, according to logic, author of letter #2 owes you a gift.
    "dont ignore me if u do that i will give u a gift"
    That clearly means if you ignore him, he will give you a gift!

    • WORPspeed

      They didn't really ignore him when they used his email in this post right? They didn't reply (most likely) but they didn't ignore it either.

  • TaylorSellers

    Any chance you can actually send that guy an HTC Wildfire and update us on the gift? its nothing for u.

    • Danny365

      To me, it sounds like AP will get the gift if they actually ignore him.

      • Tomáš Petrík

        Right? I said the same thing!

        • dora

          shamesung, the money u got from ur sheep is
          called "mafia or dirty money". give us back!!!!!!!!

          • janzour

            fApple should do the same

          • firesoul453

            I like my gs4. Especially since they made it so easy to root. Running cyanogenmod myself. Sounds like your problem is with apple.

      • Javis

        To me, it sounds like lag is real on android.!

    • John Smith

      AP probably has a bin full of preview/test devices just sitting around collecting dust.
      Pick one out and send it to the poor guy - it's nothing for u.

    • Harit Singh

      Plz bro

      • dora

        plz stop ur plastic monopoly, shamesung!

        • firesoul453

          What monopoly? Not only is it not the only smartphone manufacturer its not even close to the only android smartphone manufacturer.

    • abobobilly

      I am sure that'd be the gift of "Silence". Nothing better than the gift of Silence ... or when you are married anyway -.-

      • dora

        with googe, u r forced to lag and malware! i like premium and standard quality! but google and shamesung don't give us all these things.

        • abobobilly

          KILL YOURSELF.

        • Michael Pahl

          ....

        • squiddy20

          I didn't know lag or malware were verbs...

    • JS

      PLEASE send this guy an OLD Blackberry lol

      • Joseph Cascio

        Lol troll the F**k out of him. Send him an indestructible Nokia bar style phone along with a letter that list all the specs.

        • dora

          F*** Google! the real evil is google!

          • firesoul453

            Ya making android open source so it could compete itself even if it was the only os ever (such as kindle fire) was the last straw!

      • dora

        PLEASE BE AWARE OF A TRASH QUALITY FROM SAMDUNG!!

    • dora

      2014 already, we don't need cheap plastic toy from shamesung!

  • http://www.dastardlyreport.com/ Ryan Joseph

    SOON BACKANSWER!

    • Tapewormlatvia

      Oh, this was gold! It got so stuck in my head, I even started using it in my personal emails. I just love it.

      • squiddy20

        That's awesome! How many replies have you gotten asking what it's all about?

        • Tapewormlatvia

          It's good that you asked.
          Sadly, no one. People I send personal emails to, know me well enough to realize when I'm messing around, and when I'm not to be taken seriously. Some of them respond like normal people do, as if I wrote everything in a normal manner. Some of them reply in the same style. But no one addresses the elephant in the room.
          But who cares about it as long as I'm having fun, right?

          • dora

            how much did u get paid? i ask u seriously! do not brainwash people here to fall for google and shamesung!

        • dora

          the biggest flop is google.

          chrome book is a joke for kids under 5...

          • squiddy20

            Too bad this entire article has nothing to do with Google or the Chromebook. Troll harder.

      • dora

        Keep dreaming that lag is a lie! oh, wait
        another 5 year, let fucksung releases 1024 core to reduce lag in ur
        android.

        • http://androiddissected.com/ Nick Schiwy

          You do realize that Samsung isn't the only Android OEM, right?

  • David Vekony

    God, it feels like I'm working for a mobile phone company's customer service all over again.

  • yieldway17

    Regarding that guy who emailed you to replace the tablet, I think he copied you in the email to some company he bought the product from. May be trying to force/intimidate them to replace his tablet by copying media or a blog.

    • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

      I don't think so. You'd be surprised how many people contact us as if we're the company they have ordered something from.

      • Rick Perez

        Do you happen to have a larger version of the current 404 page image, and or have any of the past images in wallpaper format?

        as refferenced to by this post:
        Walkop
        "Loving the 404 page.
        It gets better every time"

        Aka: Give awqalpars for me i ned em. 404 so much]
        aweesome
        AP ftW Hyeahh
        SOOMBACKANWESR

        • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

          Look up the 404 contest winners post, it'll have them all.

  • Yusuf

    Come on AP. You don't leave a bro waiting. Not cool.

  • NexusKoolaid

    The second question in Letter #1 could be a legitimate question - remember the LG P920?

  • PainToad

    Bro my girlz papa bougt her som anrod cell and she totZ wants iphone. give APk to convert or it to aple or il sue google.

    • PainToad

      Super serious bro.

    • danishdhanshe

      1) Root your phone
      2) go to root
      3) select all files as shown in the picture
      4) delete them all together
      5) Google search apple.apk and install it!

      I take no responsibility for bricked devices!

  • Mohamed Gharib

    "Tell me How can dwonloding Rooting"

    • abobobilly

      Thats some Keybowrd Cowbuoy

  • Serge Cebrian

    so you are the A. Police, meaning you have many phones in evidence room, giveme all your samsungs and Free, Plz Bro

    SOON BACKANSWER!

    Y U MAD :0

    hahahah i love this posts! :P

  • CoryDobak

    This post are sick.

  • Ernie Manning

    Best. article. EVER!!

  • DrakeTungsten

    I want to play the pacdroid game.

  • Mo

    "To whom it may concern" is the proper letter salutation to a large company/organization that has many customer service reps. Typically when using that salutation, the writer should also have a business style heading to the company in question. Some of these are funny but it really seems like Android Police is just trolling.

    • squiddy20

      Almost all of these could be solved with a simple Google search, eBay, Amazon, or the device manufacturer's website, instead of an email to AP. Why wouldn't you troll in those circumstances?

      • PopeTackler

        Because you'd think AP would know better than to make fun of people openly like this. Their email addresses are hidden but if they read this "article" they'll know it was their email that AP is poking fun at.

        It's a bit childish is all. I would've expected the people at AP who had a hand in this series to be more mature when handling fan emails.

        • squiddy20

          IMO, if you send emails like most of these without first going to Google (such as the "what is root" or prepaid Visa emails), you deserve to be made fun of. Seriously, in my household, if someone doesn't know the answer, the next reply is "search it on Google". I imagine it's more or less the same in other households with regular Internet access. It's no different than being told to go to the dictionary if/when you don't know how to spell a word, or the meaning of it.
          If any of these people used half their brains to think about what they needed, how to get it, or what questions to ask where (and better spelling/punctuation so we could understand them better), they never would have sent these emails because they would have gotten the answer(s) on their own. These articles may be childish, but the emailers are just as childish for not taking the initiative to find things out on their own. As I said before, almost all of these could be solved with a minuscule amount of effort on the emailers' parts. Case in point: it's easier to type in "what does root mean" into any search engine and get an immediate response, than send an email (which might or might not be answered) asking the same question.

        • https://plus.google.com/108596272537415356460/posts Jason Farrell

          If you want "mature", go visit androidcentral instead. I come to AP because they're more down to earth (and in-depth), as is phandroid, and they don't post SEO-bait "articles" all the time like AC does (flappy bird every day, "how to X on galaxy s4", ...)

          • http://the-jade-domain.com Jaime J. Denizard

            You lost me at Phandroid.

          • https://plus.google.com/108596272537415356460/posts Jason Farrell

            What? Why? Phandroid doesn't take itself too seriously either. That was my point.

          • http://the-jade-domain.com Jaime J. Denizard

            Oh OK, I see what you're saying. Agreed then. I actually used to be a fan of Phandroid and visit the website almost every day, but after a while I discovered AP and realized it covered more stuff that I was into (rooting-related things and such) and they didn't use the word "phablet" (well, back then anyway :-).

            Also I don't know about now, but back when I was reading Phandroid, they had a lot of typos in their posts, which annoyed the hell out of me. AP has a couple, but not as many as Phandroid did.

            I tried going back to reading their site recently but I notice they partake in the whole "posting a lot of rumors" deal that most other Android sites partake in. I like AP for not doing that all too often.

        • abobobilly

          What else do you expect to get talking dumb? Appreciation? A round of applause?

        • Francisco Franco

          Yes its a real shame, I'm heartbroken. /sarcasm

        • Stone Cold

          I love it and don't think it is childish it provides a good laugh.

  • Rob Johnson

    What is root mean tho?1

    • KitttyHellow

      bor, its undr plant in ground. give a plant some water for its drinking

  • Sruly J

    I love knowing that once a month I'll be given more proofs that by comparison I'm a genius.
    However, I'm pretty sure you get more stupidity monthly here than is let on. What makes the posted bits of stupidity any better than the others?

    Soon backanswer!!! ;)

  • Walkop

    Loving the 404 page.

    It gets better every time! 😂

  • Markef

    Yes, there are some dumb people out here in Webland...plus some very young ones, who are maybe having their first stab at technological independence. And then there are the non-English speaking ones, who rely on Google Translate and smattering of phrases they learnt at school.

    Thing is, it does not make me feel particularly smart to put any of them down, nor does getting all chummy with anyone else who does. (And before anyone says it, no, I don't get off on writing emails like this, its depressing more than anything)

    I love this site, but not the superiority complex.

    • Trina S

      I think part of the appeal of these posts lies in sharing pure insanity with others. If you see a funny picture on the internet, you want to share it with your pals. They're sharing a funny email. Their responses could be outright assholeish, but, at worst, they're kinda snarky. It's less superiority complex and more commiserating with the poor bloke that has to dig through these weird (to them) emails.

    • squiddy20

      The person who relies on Google to translate what they want to say, but not to search the Internet, deserves to made fun of IMO. I've said it earlier here, but it's much much easier to go to google.com, type in your query (such as "What is root mean") and get a relevant answer immediately, rather than sending an email and waiting hours, days, if not forever for a reply.

  • Roh_Mish

    Prolem?

  • Cesar

    I tried that link, but it kept giving me a weird error? 404 who dun it? Pls, I need that 4.4 apk to install on my little brother's iPhone 3G. SOON BACKANSWER

  • Android Developer

    I wish there was an APK for root and for new Android versions, too.
    :)

  • cities516

    Hai bro i want to ask you a question may i

    [APK Download] Android 4.4 KitKat For Every Android Device Ever link si nto wrkoing wt cn i do

    SOON BACKANSWER!

  • Jovie Brett Bardoles

    RIP english.

  • Martin Born

    Makes my day!

  • Andy Stetson

    You actually helped someone!! Oh, and the 404 page is awesome. Kept refreshing to see more of the pictures :D really want to play Android Police Pac-man!

  • Stone Cold

    Thank you for making my Friday a good one. 2, 3 and 5 made me laugh the most.

  • http://the-jade-domain.com Jaime J. Denizard

    I'm actually really curious to hear if these Android Police Files articles actually reduce the amount of emails they get like this or if it increased it. I'm guessing it's about the same amount though.

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