I grew up in the sticks, and while I've heard most words in the English language butchered in at least three different ways, I've never heard anyone pronounce horse remotely like Howrse. Even after acknowledging that the Howrse community has been around since 2005, it's hard for me to imagine an origin for this name that didn't involve making a typo and sticking with it.

But at this point, what does it matter? Howrse has millions of players, and Ubisoft (yes, Ubisoft) has released an English Android app that will let many of them look after their horses and ponies everywhere they go. Previously the mobile version was only available in French. This piece of software has landed just in time for the Year of the Horse, and I sincerely hope it isn't a sign of things to come.

Howrse6 Howrse2 Howrse3Howrse4 Howrse5 Howrse7

Let's be clear, this is a game for Howrse fans, not horse fans. Why? Nothing about the UI indicates a compelling experience. Look at the first screenshot above. This person didn't download the app because it was a thing of beauty, he or she installed it because they've been raising virtual horses for 2,358 days already. After dedicating over six years to playing in a web browser, firing up an app, regardless of its quality, is a bit of a relief.


As for everyone else, can you realize your dreams of owning a virtual horse via this game? Well, Howrse will let you train one, dress her up, put her through competitions, and breed her. There's even a black market, because, well, there's horse racing involved. You can also acquire mythical horses with horns and wings, as long as you dream big enough. If this all sounds fun, there's no reason for you not to hop on.

Except for the app itself. This must be what getting hit by spurs feels like, and Ubisoft's the one wearing them.

Bertel King, Jr.
Born and raised in the rural South, Bertel knows what it's like to live without 4G LTE - or 3G, for that matter. The only things he likes sweeter than his tea are his gadgets, and while few objects burn more than a metal phone on a summer day, he prefers them that way anyway.

  • Alex Mocaby

    Wait, wait just a minute. In that first picture, is that some sort of fish-horse-robot-thing?! I might actually need to play this.

    • Fern Keeli

      It's a special coat. If you're in-game, one can be found in the horse directory under the name "Valek". I once owned it....

  • KingofPing

    What the...

    This doesn't...

    Why would...

    I don't even....

    Words can't...

    I give up.

    • http://bertelking.com/ Bertel King, Jr.

      My first draft of this post went the same way. Go figure.

      • KingofPing


        Thought I'd crossed over into some strange other-world for a moment there. *grin*

  • remister

    What has Ubisoft been smoking?

    • Crispin Swickard

      They have been shooting up Arby's Horsey Sauce obviously.

    • f

      Howrse tranquilizer

  • Crispin Swickard

    The last picture at 1st glance seems to have an extremely over-endowed pony.

  • Mayoo

    I suddenly want to play Robot Unicorn Attack again.

  • http://mrmcpowned.com mrmcpowned

    My eyes tell me this post is real, but my mind is reeling on the hope of this being a very VERY early april fools joke. Please let this be a joke, please? PLEASE?

  • Tomáš Petrík

    Just... just... WHAT??

  • OmniWrench

    This gets even more entertaining when you notice that there's apparently an option for a pegasus style horse... and that the Care menu includes a dedicated button with which to stroke your horse...

  • Matthew Fry

    "Welcome Ow!"

    • Fern Keeli

      Ow is the site 'pet'. They play Ow off as the owner but we all know Ow's just the mascot. We want to murder Ow sometimes.

  • Mado

    There's a part of Ubisoft that make serious triple-A games like Assassin's Creed and Splinter Cell.

    Then there's another part of Ubisoft that is constantly high on drugs and make games like Blood Dragon and ... whatever this is...

    • Rick Perez

      But...but, I liked blood dragon....

      • Mado

        Not saying it's bad. Hell, it is the only game in my Steam library that I preordered.

        • Rick Perez

          coolio, just thought it needed to be said with /s

  • Martial Clausse

    It seems like the 'ow' part of the name comes from the makers of the game, Owlient.
    Owlient also released 'Dragow' (yes, the same with dragons).
    Ubisoft bought them several years ago, because Ubisoft had 0 online-gaming presence at the time, and it was hard denying that Owlient had quite a bit of users...

    • Fern Keeli

      This is further supported by every Admin having 'Ow' in the name. MeOw, ArrOw, ScarecrOw... it's in every one of them.... and yet, you NEVER hear Ubisoft mention this group.

  • curiousfox


  • madmaglio

    Suche Howrse.

  • Fern Keeli

    I find it absolutely HILARIOUS that Ow has a reserve listed in their game, as on their page, it's marked as ∞.