23
Dec
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The titular valet in No Brakes Valet isn't quite as bad as the famous garage attendant from Ferris Bueller's Day Off. He is, in fact, a professional. And he'd be well on his way to the Valet Hall Of Fame... if it weren't for an apparently religious opposition to using the brake pedal. It's the sort of minor personal hang-up that can really sink a career in vehicular services.

No Brakes Valet was originally an OUYA title, though it comes from slightly notable indie developer Captain Games, of Enviro-Bear 2010 and BEEFWAR fame. The objective is to park a series of cars in a tiny parking lot without using brakes. To say that the game is difficult is to miss an opportunity to use adjectives like "soul-crushing" and "digitally cruel," but it's all in a sense of fender-bending fun, spurred on by the developer's standard Microsoft Paint graphics. That said, moving from a controller to a touchscreen can't do No Brakes Valet any favors.

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Most cars can (and will) be parked anywhere, but you'll get a curveball every once in a while with a dignitary or a handicapped parking space. Road hazards include buildings, water traps, and moose. You'll need a keen eye for physics and a distinct lack of concern for other people's property to win. No Brakes Valet is a reasonable $3 on the Play Store with no in-app purchases. 

Jeremiah Rice
Jeremiah is a US-based blogger who bought a Nexus One the day it came out and never looked back. In his spare time he watches Star Trek, cooks eggs, and completely fails to write novels.
  • RL010

    Damn this really looks iike crap. The games on my commodore 64 even look beter

    • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

      The graphics is that way on purpose. Have you seen the dev's other games?

  • Franco Rossel

    Would you really play that on your TV?

  • mgamerz

    Game looks ugly but its so much fun. Graphics don't matter folks.

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  • matt vincent

    wow this guy gives horrible commentary! how did this get posted?