[The Android Police Files #2] Maybe People Would Be Less Confused If We Changed Our Name
[The Android Police Files #3] Baffling Lawyers, Video Earrings, Dangerous Open Source Software, And So Much More
[The Android Police Files #4] No, This Isn't The Artem You Are Looking For, And Please Stop Asking Us About Eric
[The Android Police Files #5] I Really Need A Phone Bad I Pray I Can Get One From You, SOON BACKANSWER!
[The Android Police Files #6] Plz Bro I Need Kitkat 4.4 Stock Android Apk File For My Galaxy S4
- View All 13 Articles In This Series
It's been hectic around here lately, but now that the Nexus 5 has finally launched, we can give the rumors a rest and turn our attention to other matters. For starters, we have another batch of your emails, so finish that soda, pull over to the side of the road, and turn off the stove, because you're in for a treat. Don't say we didn't warn you.
Subject: Refurbished Samsung Galaxy TAB II P5100
Interested in the above model.
If any, how many do you have?
I'm interested in a bulk order of 100 units.
While we wish we could afford to stock up on large quantities of every Android device ever released, we can't. We get just enough devices to satisfy our own admittedly excessive needs.
However, you're in luck. The Galaxy Tab 2 was such a good tablet that we each bought seven or eight apiece. We'll pool them together and get them your way ASAP.
Subject: Problems with my debit card
Well, I have dealt with you in the month of June 5 th and then after this, on reaching strange way of payments to my account. As you can see in my attachment is a Google account, and I think that you or someone else has abused my trust and capped my account to take money from me. I made a police report and ask you to send money back to my account. You can see from the attachment I broadcasts the accorded.
Hope you can solve this problem as soon as possible. You can contact me via my e-mail address, XXXXXXX@gmail.com,,
Picture attached with 3 charges from Funzio Inc.
Hey, don't blame your Google Wallet bugs on us. We actually did our very best to give you a heads up. Until Google works these things out, not even the police can help you.
Subject: Need response pls
Text: Plz am having virus on my play store how do I get it of wen I tap on it it doesn't work
Oh no, it sounds like you may have a real problem on your hands. You could call tech support to resolve the issue, but I'll save you the effort. I'm privy to the same expertise that they have, and I'm willing to share it with you. I'll even do it for free. Ready?
Turn your phone off. Go ahead, I'll wait. Is it off? Good, now leave it off for good.
Subject: Inter tomorrow
I'd like to start the internship next week as opposed to tomorrow. I just submitted a new game this week for release and I have a whole bunch of press that I have to focus on, and I want to make sure I can give you my full attention when you come in.
So in short, I'll see you on Tuesday the 22nd from 2pm to 5pm.
Have a great week.
When Artem first got this email, he was understandably confused. He had never spoken with this person before, and needless to say, many wats were had. Apparently the guy got his Artems mixed up.
I'm sure it's not impossible to have to juggle that many Artems, but I don't think I'd confuse anyone with the guy whose face is masked by swirling, blue magic. I can only imagine what kind of work popped into that guy's head when Artem's avatar first appeared on his screen...
Subject: Monitoring my google accounts whitfield county sherrifs
Text: Please help me i need someone to prove this
That isn't your local police station monitoring your Google account, that's the NSA. Unfortunately, NSA employees are also the only people that can prove it, and their modus operandi is to deny everything.
Subject: Suspect Fraud
An acquaintance from Africa has been having a lot of merchandise sent to me from your site. I want to return it as I have discovered via Walmart, that they have been using fraudulent credit cards to purchase items, send them to innocent people like me they meet online. Then have me send the items to them. I have 3 items from your company. Could you have a UPS or Fedex pickuptag sent to me so I can send what I have back to your company?
NNNN NNnd St., YYYYYYYYY, CA NNNNN. They were using the name XXXXX YYY. But I am not him.
They won our last giveaway fair and square, so we sent the hardware to the address provided. We can't be held responsible for your friend's poor sense of humor or their credit card problem. How about the next time they have something delivered to your address, you keep it?
Subject: Hello ! I know San Francisco big city my nephew works at PC World his name is Eric YYYY maybe you heard of him ? Thanks for your time ----- Tim
We used to know an Eric. Man, we miss that guy.
That's All Folks!
I know, it's hard to accept that it's over already. I'm not happy about it either, but I'm also not responsible for how many letters we receive - you are.
So shoot an email over to firstname.lastname@example.org and ask us anything that's on your mind. We have some of the best readers out there, despite what the above emails suggest, and we can't get enough of your questions.
But on the off chance that you have no idea how to use a keyboard, can't make sense of what those red squiggles are under half of the words you've typed, and have a bad habit of swapping the recipient of your emails at last minute, rest easy knowing that we will never publish any identifying information, even if we will most definitely share your message with the world.