04
Nov
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Last Updated: November 23rd, 2013

It's been hectic around here lately, but now that the Nexus 5 has finally launched, we can give the rumors a rest and turn our attention to other matters. For starters, we have another batch of your emails, so finish that soda, pull over to the side of the road, and turn off the stove, because you're in for a treat. Don't say we didn't warn you.

APFiles

Letter #1

Subject: Refurbished Samsung Galaxy TAB II P5100

Text:

Interested in the above model.
If any, how many do you have?
I'm interested in a bulk order of 100 units.

While we wish we could afford to stock up on large quantities of every Android device ever released, we can't. We get just enough devices to satisfy our own admittedly excessive needs.

However, you're in luck. The Galaxy Tab 2 was such a good tablet that we each bought seven or eight apiece. We'll pool them together and get them your way ASAP.

Letter #2

Subject: Problems with my debit card

Text:

Well, I have dealt with you in the month of June 5 th and then after this, on reaching strange way of payments to my account. As you can see in my attachment is a Google account, and I think that you or someone else has abused my trust and capped my account to take money from me. I made a police report and ask you to send money back to my account. You can see from the attachment I broadcasts the accorded.
Hope you can solve this problem as soon as possible. You can contact me via my e-mail address, [email protected],,
XXXXX YYYYYY

Picture attached with 3 charges from Funzio Inc.

Hey, don't blame your Google Wallet bugs on us. We actually did our very best to give you a heads up. Until Google works these things out, not even the police can help you.

Letter #3

Subject: Need response pls

Text: Plz am having virus on my play store how do I get it of wen I tap on it it doesn't work

Oh no, it sounds like you may have a real problem on your hands. You could call tech support to resolve the issue, but I'll save you the effort. I'm privy to the same expertise that they have, and I'm willing to share it with you. I'll even do it for free. Ready?

Turn your phone off. Go ahead, I'll wait. Is it off? Good, now leave it off for good.

Letter #4

Subject:

Text:

Letter1

No

Letter #5

Subject: Inter tomorrow

Text:

Hi Artem,

I'd like to start the internship next week as opposed to tomorrow. I just submitted a new game this week for release and I have a whole bunch of press that I have to focus on, and I want to make sure I can give you my full attention when you come in.

So in short, I'll see you on Tuesday the 22nd from 2pm to 5pm.

Have a great week.

XXXX YYYY

When Artem first got this email, he was understandably confused. He had never spoken with this person before, and needless to say, many wats were had. Apparently the guy got his Artems mixed up.

I'm sure it's not impossible to have to juggle that many Artems, but I don't think I'd confuse anyone with the guy whose face is masked by swirling, blue magic. I can only imagine what kind of work popped into that guy's head when Artem's avatar first appeared on his screen...

Pylons

 

Letter #6

Subject: Monitoring my google accounts whitfield county sherrifs

Text: Please help me i need someone to prove this

That isn't your local police station monitoring your Google account, that's the NSA. Unfortunately, NSA employees are also the only people that can prove it, and their modus operandi is to deny everything.

Letter #7

Subject: Suspect Fraud

Text:

An acquaintance from Africa has been having a lot of merchandise sent to me from your site. I want to return it as I have discovered via Walmart, that they have been using fraudulent credit cards to purchase items, send them to innocent people like me they meet online. Then have me send the items to them. I have 3 items from your company. Could you have a UPS or Fedex pickuptag sent to me so I can send what I have back to your company?
NNNN NNnd St., YYYYYYYYY, CA NNNNN. They were using the name XXXXX YYY. But I am not him.

They won our last giveaway fair and square, so we sent the hardware to the address provided. We can't be held responsible for your friend's poor sense of humor or their credit card problem. How about the next time they have something delivered to your address, you keep it?

Letter #8

Subject: Hello ! I know San Francisco big city my nephew works at PC World his name is Eric YYYY maybe you heard of him ? Thanks for your time ----- Tim

Text: None.

We used to know an Eric. Man, we miss that guy.

That's All Folks!

I know, it's hard to accept that it's over already. I'm not happy about it either, but I'm also not responsible for how many letters we receive - you are.

So shoot an email over to [email protected] and ask us anything that's on your mind. We have some of the best readers out there, despite what the above emails suggest, and we can't get enough of your questions.

But on the off chance that you have no idea how to use a keyboard, can't make sense of what those red squiggles are under half of the words you've typed, and have a bad habit of swapping the recipient of your emails at last minute, rest easy knowing that we will never publish any identifying information, even if we will most definitely share your message with the world.

Bertel King, Jr.
Born and raised in the rural South, Bertel knows what it's like to live without 4G LTE - or 3G, for that matter. The only things he likes sweeter than his tea are his gadgets, and while few objects burn more than a metal phone on a summer day, he prefers them that way anyway.

  • Spasillium

    Can I have what was sent back? :D

  • http://www.androidpolice.com/author/eric-ravenscraft/ Eric Ravenscraft

    "We used to know an Eric. Man, we miss that guy."

    I'm not quite dead, sir!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-JCawml0jpc#t=281

    • nicholasosu330

      My Uncle Harrison got a nearly new blue Buick
      Regal GS by work using a laptop. recommended you read J­a­m­2­0­.­ℂ­o­m

  • http://www.thepixelpuse.com/ Aj Meadows

    These posts are just the best.

  • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

    San Francisco is only like 5-6 people tops, right?

    • Tomáš Petrík

      Why, he know San Francisco big city!

    • ScottColbert

      I've been to San Francisco, and 5-6 tops is optimistic, most were bottoms...ooh, that's now what you meant, is it? Well, this is embarrassing....

      • Larizard

        I lol'd

  • Lil Timmy

    So I can't come in for that internship on Tuesday???
    Darn.

  • Simon Belmont

    #4 was my favorite. Apparently just a screenshot with emails from someone pleading for help with root.

    No description necessary. Just insanity stocked to the ceiling on that one.

  • Freak4Dell

    Wait, did somebody really just forget they won a giveaway? Just send the stuff to me. I'll never forget.

  • FArt’em Russakovskii

    Add another artem....

  • Matthew Fry

    First Eric and now Ron? What is this world coming to?!?

  • Taylor LaBrier

    "Not Android" I love your labels. lol

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