26
Sep
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Last Updated: November 23rd, 2013

Gather 'round, folks. This is the third installment of Android Police Files and the first to contain letters submitted after we started the series. As you would expect, many emails we receive come in the form of questions, and some submitters keep their requests short and sweet. Unfortunately, we couldn't satisfy some of them even if we wanted to.

But we do our best. We really do. If we weren't here to serve, we would throw our wisdom up behind a pay wall. So without further ado, here are your questions.

APFiles

Letter #1

Subject: Jeremiah Rice

Text:

Hello, Could you please ask Jeremiah Rice to email me or phone me???
Thank you so very much, XXXXXX
--
XXXXXXX Esq
XXXXXXX Esq & Associates PLLC
Telephone: XXXXXXXXXXXX
CITY
URL_OF_LAW_FIRM
NOTICE:
1. If you are not a present client, ideas and opinions expressed in
this email are NOT legal advice and should not be relied upon as such.
If you have a legal problem, do consult an attorney of your choosing
with no delay: Strict time deadlines and time limitations nearly
always apply to legal claims and issues.
2. This email may contain attorney-client privileged communication or
attorney work product.
3. This email cannot be used by any taxpayer, for the purpose of
avoiding any penalties that may be imposed under the Internal Revenue
Code.
4. If you have received this email in error, please delete without
copying or dissemination and notify sender by reply email, so that the
address can be corrected. Thank you.

When asked what this is about:
Hello Artem, I read some articles he posted and I need to buy a phone
and I am a dunce about phones and hoping somebody kind will help me--I
have no one in my life who I can ask for help with this. I pretty
much know what I need, but I need help accomplishing the task and am
not sure which choices to make. Thank you, XXXXXXXX

After we all caught our breath and confirmed that we weren't being sued, Jeremiah was greatly disappointed to find out that he wasn't being hit on by a lawyer either. Since it looks like there's little chance of this blossoming into a relationship, he left it up to Artem to answer the question. Naturally, as the new guy, Artem kicked such an easy question over to me. So here goes:

Buy the Moto X. It has funny ads.

Letter #2

Subject: Every thing

Text:

I like to join to get info on most things

Sure, that's why I joined. I'll put in a good word for you.

Letter #3

Subject: Video Earrings

Text:

Hello Android Police,

We are a new striving hardware design company with cutting edge fashion forward design with technology. Our product is different, original, and will cultivate your minds from the first glance. We are glad to introduce Video Earrings, a catchy device that plays videos right from your ears. We want you to please view our video on the following link so we can get approval to submit an article to your website. You will be amazed at the next generation of technology that incorporate fashion to amaze our target audience.

Thanks,

Video Earrings

This is a brilliant concept, and we were all ready to push this product as hard as we could - but then we watched the video all the way to the end. Macklemore's Thrift Shop was the perfect music video to demo these earrings with, as it reminds us to avoid excessive spending, and while that may be hard to do given that we spend our days drooling over reporting on the latest gadgets, we're grateful that we at least avoided caving this one time.

Letter #4

Subject: google play store on Karbonn S5 Titanium mobile has stopped. could not solve need your help to fix it

Text:

To resolve the problem please call me.

We're not phone tech support, but here's a free tip: if you want someone to call you, leave a phone number.

Letter #5

Subject: (no subject)

Text:

Help me! With this please

I would! Love to help you

Letter #6

Subject: licenses applied to my phone without permission our knowledge

Text:

Some how my first phone was rooted without my permission and open source software was applied to my phone and now my phone is being monitored and is deleting my files, changing passwords, deleting pictures and videos. Since I became aware of this on 8/18/2013 and Verizon was aware of my issue, there was not much they can do other than send me another phone and it is still being monitored and basically keeping me locked out of my phone now. I went into my
Google+ and saw my activities under my phone
number pertaining to questions in regards to set
up my phone to a computer system. When I tried
to go back in Google+ I am completely locked out
of my Google account to go back and tee read the
questions. Is there any information I need to
present to you in offer to track down this criminal
who as illegally accessed himself/herself to my
phone? I have a little bit of information but I can't release through the internet because I do not what I have changed.
Any help would be appreciated.

I see your problem. You should have never called Verizon for a problem related to open source software. You should have instead googled the name of the program and a description of what it's doing wrong. The one line of code that you should copy and paste into the terminal will be buried on the 8th page of a forum lurking somewhere on the third or fourth page of Google results. If it doesn't work, try the code again using sudo.

Letter #7

Subject: (no subject)

Text:

hey i want your Google Nexus 7 Giveaway please can i have it?? Please :(

The entire giveaway - isn't that a bit much?

Letter #8

Subject: Winner/prepaid MasterCard my name is XXXX YYYYYYYY I was selected to win one of 10 $4600.prepaid MasterCard's today 09/25/2013 from Android. I gave them my information and they informed me that my address was not valid. It IS valid. I verified it so with MasterCard. So what is up? I want to receive my winning card. Contact me at xxxxxxxxxxxxx@hotmail.com I want to receive my winning card. Sincerely XXXX YYYYYYYY

Text:

Sent from my Kyocera Hydro

Your typing out the entire message in the subject conveys to me just how urgent this matter is. Nevertheless, I must still direct you to Android Police Files #1. Everything you need to know is in the title of that post.

That's All Folks!

Don't worry, there's always more where that came from. In the meantime, feel free to take a gander at the last installment. There are some oldies but goodies tucked away in that batch. I don't know about you, but I can't wait for my Screenster to arrive.

As always, you can reach us at oh.no.its.the@androidpolice.com. Don't let our penchant for sharing messages dissuade you from talking to us. We know we're blabbermouths, but at least we've never published any identifying information thus far, and we never will.

Bertel King, Jr.
Born and raised in the rural South, Bertel knows what it's like to live without 4G LTE - or 3G, for that matter. He now lives in the City of Bridges, adjusting to the presence of actual snow. His phone of choice is the HTC One.

  • yodatom10

    One day people will learn what you guys do day in and day out. Until then more lol for us. :)

    • tekfr33kn

      No they won't :-/ That day will never come. It's what makes these letters so awesome when AP shares anyway.

  • portalpirate

    I can't wrap my head around the concept of video earrings. Just...why?

    • http://meatcastle.com/ Youre My Boy Bloo

      Porn...

      • faceless128

        but you can't see it. other people can and that would be....

        • http://meatcastle.com/ Youre My Boy Bloo

          Exactly...

    • Jack Tay

      if just pictures, then its like one earing for all. one day white, one day gold. quite cool, no?

  • Scott

    How much of this stuff do you actually get? Is this just a sample of hundreds more just like them?

    • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

      I delete or ignore most. As soon as I get 8 good ones, we post.

  • Ha!

    How about the first *two*?

  • MeCampbell30

    lol, wow. AP seems to be a much safer place to drunk text/email than an ex-girlfriend; at least the shame is anonymous. hahaha!

  • Majeed Hamid

    lol seriously!!!!

  • DoubleP90

    Hahaha xD the guy writing everything in the subject xD

  • Mike Reid

    Oh, those poor lawyers, not being able to figure out which phone to buy.

    I had a relatively cheap $185/hr lawyer and he charged minimum 5 minutes for any email, about $15.

    Send them a bill ! ;)

  • Vardan Nazaretyan

    #6 was hilarious. He really though you're the Police of Android world lol :D