Here it is, the second installment of Android Police Files. We're still getting a steady stream of email, and while we can't post them all, we've hand-picked eight more to share with our darling readers. As you're about to see, many people can't seem to grasp what it is we do. We're not crime fighters, nor are we IT ninjas. We blog. Still, that doesn't mean we don't try our best to help out. We think our advice is useful, but we'll let you be the judge.

Letter #1

Subject: Privacy policy

Text:

I want to report about my phone..i wanna show some apps appear in my phone and send all my info and control all my phone..if you guys can't do or check, i will call 911 or send my phone to police station..thanks a lots


We can't do or check, so feel free to go to the police. Just make sure to delete anything incriminating before handing over the phone. It's bad enough being the person who called 911 because you didn't know how to use your phone. It's another thing to attract attention for that selfie you took of you and your drunk friends at a frat party you were too young to attend.

Letter #2

Subject:

Text:

Look up http://www.apache.org/licenses/LICENSE-2.0 and Zip4j(http://WWW.lingala.net/zip4j/) and The Android Open Source Project *Copyright (c) 2008-2012 and /data/data/com.android.chrome/app.chrome/default. I have a unauthorized Google Chromium Webmaster attached to my Android RAZR M phone and I tired of fighting them. HELP! And please don't be another hacker site. My phone leads me to them all the time. My name is XXXXXXXXXX XXX-XXX-XXX


Sure, we're happy to help. Just go to http://www.android.com/ and http://www.police.com/, then follow that up with a quick trip to https://www.google.com/maps/. Hopefully these links will be as useful for you as yours were for us.

Letter #3

Actual press release

Text:

Embargoed Press Release - Thursday 2:00 PM

Hi Android Police Team,

Hope you’ve been enjoying your week!

I’m excited to provide you with some advanced notice on a press release we’re sending out to the masses tomorrow at 2:00 PM EDT.

Toddy Gear, the company known for their creative cleaning accessories for your favorite tech items, officially has its Screensters ready for purchase.

Now shipping, these character-inspired microfiber, antimicrobial cleaning dolls can be purchased for $9.99.

Attached is the full press release and a couple of high res images for your convenience.

Let me know if you need anything further.


Okay, this one's legit. We simply forgot to share this awesome product line with our readers sooner. In a last ditch effort to redeem ourselves, we present to you the Screensters.

Letter #4

Subject: Information about siezing the pirating sites

Text:

I wanted to suggest u sir that those sites who give copyrighted material But do not include the Trojan and viruses should not be seized, law must be be make to size over the servers of those sites. Only who provide a copyright of material to people containing the virus, Trojan worms, malware etc, please review our it and do the need full.


No, we will not review your it, and you won't get any full from us. Just who do you think we are?

Letter #5

Subject: request for latest newses

Text:

i like qik.com as it shows live vedios


Dude! We also love the latest newses, and we can't get enough of live vedios. But here's the thing. We already covered Qik. Actually, we did it for years.

Letter #6

Subject: Help

Text:

Dear Policing Rep,

Help, help, please, I've gone to local authorities with a true problem, someone has more control of my phone than I do. I know the files are there, however the goofy phone won't let me delete them.

This is truly serious, under my name they searched all kinds of sexual acts, but the worst was how to kill someone with a punch to the jugular vein.

I'm scared and pissed off at the same time, Verizon won't do shit and I'm on my fourth phone.

I beg of you, please help me find who this is and bring them to justice.

God Bless,

XXXXXXXXX


So you - excuse me, "someone else" - has searched for some explicit content, and you want the police, your carrier, and now us to believe that those files on your phone are not yours. Right. A factory reset should take care of the problem, but if "someone" won't let you do that, we suggest seeking legal counsel instead.

Letter #7

Subject: help my phone is being cloned

From: XXX YYY (where XXX is the first name, and also the first word of the message)

Text:

XXX i need some advice fast,my phone is being cloined by some sick f!@#$%^&*()(*&^%$ it tells me every time i make a call it says call diverted,this has been happening for awhile,at first i thought it was my boyfriend being insecure,however i've been through several phones(which believe me is getting spendy)i really cant get into details about the who or why however that is being investigated, any apps or settings that could block my phone from being clonned


Wait, your phone is being cloned? If the authorities find out who has managed to pull off this black magic, let us know. If there's one thing better than one HTC One, it's two HTC Ones. Buying phones for the entire team is about to get a whole lot cheaper.

Letter #8

Subject: You must write a review about this game!

Text:

This is an amazing game! I've enjoyed the game play. I spent a very good time experience. I made a pig of all Mahjong game, and I have to confess I will place this one in my favourites (bolding added).

Firstly it makes me feel relax after work or a hard day! It’s really different and more original than most Majhong games; The graphics are beautiful and you move through an original universe!

Secondly, the WALL games is really hard enough to have fun, I burnt my brain out on several levels But fortunately, you have helps so everybody can come through!

Thirdly, the snake mode is revolutionary, it is the favourite of my family, for the apprenticeship and for the challenge also (depending the difficulty played). It trains your dexterity and asks you a big visual memory!

Finally, the game is free and has 450 levels; It will make you happy in every way.


We LOVE pig Mahjong games. Seriously. Get us a copy. Cameron just received the drugs he was mailed last week, and we think he's in the perfect frame of mind for a review.

That's All Folks!

If you missed the first installment, feel free to go back and take a look. Afterwards, keep your eyes peeled for part three. It's coming. We just love sharing your priceless messages, but don't worry, we'll never publish any identifying information.

Also, we still encourage you to send us emails, even if some of them aren't quite fully baked. As always, you can reach us at oh.no.its.the@androidpolice.com.