21
Dec
sacredgunstiny

Artem gives me all the weird stuff. I love it, really. In the last week or so alone, I've covered Shaq fighting mutant zombies, Santa Claus as a rock star, sentient pudding, and a walk in the park. I thought I couldn't be happier. Then he brings me 'Sacred Guns'. This game stars Archangel Mark Leung (which appears to be the same name of one of the primary devs on this project), wielding his dual golden pistols and rainbow sword against an army of "God's unwanted creation." Apparently, when the Lord Almighty wanted to flood the Earth to cleanse it of sin, "sin" was code for "evil Teletubbies." Which makes perfect sense.

sacredguns1 sacredguns2 sacredguns4

Oh, and as if that wasn't enough, the reason this afro-having, nerd-glasses-wearing angel hipster is killing off all these bizarre creatures? They're trying to sneak aboard Noah's Ark. Noah, by the way, is a pirate. Again, this makes perfect sense. Because of reasons. The relationship between Pirate Noah and Afro Angel begins to sour, though, when the latter attempts to save a mermaid from the flood.

I've been waiting my entire career to write a sentence that awesome.

sacredgunshero3 2012-12-21_14h24_46

How much would you expect to pay for a game like this? $5? $10? A lifetime of penance and servitude unto the Most High? Your expectations are lofty, but no. This game goes for a single dollar on the Play Store. And the Lord did grin. You will find Sacred Guns coming in glory, judgment, and badassery via the widget below.

Eric Ravenscraft
Eric is a snarky technophile with a taste for the unusual. When he's not obsessing about Android, you can usually find him obsessing about movies, psychology, or the perfect energy drink. Eric weaves his own special blend of snark, satire, and comedy into all his articles.

  • mgamerz

    What is...
    I don't...
    even...

  • http://twitter.com/misterE33 Mr E

    those are not just teletubbies -- but spongebob teletubbies! also, is that a stoner grimace i see, not to mention an obese pikachu and aggro hello kitty? this game has everything i could imagine [while on meth]!

  • Jaime Larios

    And also a Justin Bieber crab? This game looks promising...

  • fixxmyhead

    this game is so full of WTF

  • ElTimo

    What the fuck.
    Seriously, man, what the fuck.
    Man, seriously. What the fuck.
    What the fuck, man.
    Man, seriously.
    What the fuck.

    • Israel Lai

      yea..it's f**ked up.

  • http://www.facebook.com/pac0naut Paco Or Frank Cerda

    OMG, seriously, this game looks AWESOME. I am completely down with this.

  • http://twitter.com/creggerspoulton Craig Poulton

    And the nominees for most WTF's in one promo video are... (drumroll)

  • Slighter

    slow friday?

    • http://www.androidpolice.com/author/eric-ravenscraft/ Eric Ravenscraft

      I would stop what I was doing during Googe I/O to cover this.

      (Okay, not really, because then Artem would start with the beatings, but I'D WANT TO.)

      • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

        I fully approve of the need to cover this now or during I/O.

  • Go Hawkeyes

    So absolutely full of fucking win. Complete mastery of badassary.

  • http://twitter.com/VuaMotNgay Vu Luu

    wow, Justin Beaver in there too..

  • http://profiles.google.com/ottermann Jason Heiken

    Mashed potatoes! Because oranges don't have backbones and whiskey cheese is on the moonbeam!

  • HotInEER

    No thank you.

  • http://www.newbestapps.com/ NewBestApps

    Can we call it perfect combination?

  • PINJ

    What A Fudged Up Game.... InstantFacebookShare

  • PINJ

    And The Justin Bieber Crab Is A+

  • AnthonyKR

    Holy sh*tballs.

  • WTF

    Rubbish game.

  • ouch

    my eyes! dafuq did I see ????? :O

  • Nada

    It seems to be gone from Play Store now.

  • xnadax

    It has been removed from Play Store for some reason.

  • http://profiles.google.com/mugget mugget man

    ROFL!! That's hilarious stuff, right there!

  • yolo

    If any of you have heard of College Saga, where an Asian guy wanders around Babson College as if it was Final Fantasy, you may recall hearing that name before.

    Yes, it's *that* Mark Leung, behind this project.