bard's tale

No, it's not the Bard of Avon, but this smarmy rogue should still be able to keep you plenty entertained. The Bard's Tale is a Diablo-ish RPG starring Cary Elwes (best known for ruining your perception of the Dread Pirate Roberts and Mel Brooks' Robin Hood by doing this). Complete with absurd humor, catchy drinking songs, and adventure galore, this game promises to keep you engaged for up to 3.5GB worth of your time (for Tegra device owners, 1.7GB otherwise). Yes, it's friggin' huge.

We'll be doing a review of this game before too long, so I won't spoil everything. However, this modern retelling of the 1985 classic of the same name faithfully keeps the spirit of the original in tact. Which is to say, it's funny, filled monsters, and has plenty of booze to spare.

bard1 bard2 bard3

As an added bonus, users who buy the game will also receive the original Bard's Tale I: Tales of the Unknown for free. Not too shabby of a deal! If you're looking for adventure, head on down to Ye Old Play Store, drop some coin on a pint and have yourself a merry go of it. The game is available for $5.95 and, as stated before, is insanely large. So clear out some space before you begin the download.


Eric Ravenscraft
Eric is a snarky technophile with a taste for the unusual. When he's not obsessing about Android, you can usually find him obsessing about movies, psychology, or the perfect energy drink. Eric weaves his own special blend of snark, satire, and comedy into all his articles.

  • Jeremiah Rice

    So I'm assuming that when you die in this game, you're only mostly dead.

  • RedPandaAlex

    Looking forward to the review

  • http://twitter.com/bstag black stag

    hmm ran the original on a 3.5 inch floppy disk. At least i wont be waking up late for school with keyboard face after playing this one.

  • PINJ

    Go One X!

  • Perry Ahern

    This is why lack of a micro SD card slot is a problem on Nexus devices. On my 16 gb Nexus 7, which I think has about 14 gb available after the OS and standard apps, this 3.5 gb game uses a full 1/4 of the total device storage. That's a problem.

    Games are only going to get bigger, so this "stream everything instead of storing it locally" approach Google is taking has an inherent flaw.

    • UniBroW

      I have an sd card on my Infinity and there is no option to move to sd card like there was in gingerbread

  • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

    My first impressions of the game after downloading it for 6 hours: it's fantastic. The level of detail and production value here is unparalleled and reminded me of PC-level gaming.

    There's lots of humor. Every character interaction is voice narrated. There are tons of cut scenes. It looks really good. Just a lot of fun. Based on the first half an hour, I'd say it's a must buy.

    • Himmat Singh

      After Horn, I simply cannot stomach buying a 'large' game, only for it to work half-assedly and then spend more time downloading an update. But your reaction sounds positive...I'll wait for more thoughts to filter in, and also on how different are the 1.8 GB and 3.5GB versions.

      • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

        I'm not even going to try the 1.8GB version, that's way too much crap to re-download, but I'm guessing the T3 version is a lot nicer.

        Horn may have been half-assed but this one is solid so far. You can't judge a game by another unrelated game just because it's also huge.

        I do have a major concern with downloading updates, as I don't think they'll have a way of supporting incremental updates like the Play Store does with the base apps (not even the Play Store supports it with extra data, as far as I can tell). Will it be smart enough to only re-download what's needed? I doubt it. Updates will therefore be probably infrequent and comprehensive - no quick bug fixes or small additions. We'll see.

        • Himmat Singh

          Thanks Artem! Got the game, left it to download overnight, and it's good. So far played I've played the rat part only. Graphics looks sharp, framerate is good. Will surely invest lots of time in this game. Surely an abundant of cleavage in there. :)

    • Chris Clark

      I had this on my XBOX but never played much of it. I don't know why, I laughed the entire time I did play it. I might have to just grab this, easier to pick up and play in my free time.

  • http://twitter.com/homncruse Aaron Burke

    How are the controls? That always bugged me about the PC release of the game. The controls were so unintuitive it was nearly unplayable.

    • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

      Some of the best controls I've ever used on my tablet.

  • http://www.facebook.com/ShitizGarg Shitiz Garg

    How much space does this take after installation?

    • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

      16MB for the game and 3429MB for the data, so roughly 3.5GB on a Tegra 3 device. They weren't kidding. At least that's what my review version occupies.

      • http://www.facebook.com/ShitizGarg Shitiz Garg

        I can hardly afford that on my Nexus 7, still gonna give this a shot sometime though.

  • jusatin

    Looks so crappy. Why do the have to make these "computer game wanna be's"? Why not just have "worse" graphics and not try to mess with 3d stuff with low quality renreds and models?

    • Chris Clark

      What do you mean computer game wannabes? This was a computer game, and an XBOX game, ported to Android for us to have fun with it here too. :)

      • sixty-four

        I searched for more information about the original game and it got a fairly lukewarm response from reviewers. The initial feedback I've seen about the Android port are much more positive. Just a matter of perspective? Or maybe an indication of the current state of Android gaming in general? I know it's not realistic to expect a Fallout 3 or a Left 4 Dead on a mobile platform but it would be nice to see some of the more (over) enthusiastic impressions tempered with a little wider perspective.

    • http://www.androidpolice.com/ Artem Russakovskii

      "Looks so crappy" wut?

    • http://twitter.com/homncruse Aaron Burke

      Not sure if sarcastic...

      Or just dumb.

  • user311

    Good thing I gave my mom my nexus 7 and picked up an Asus Infinity with 196GB of space...

  • Matti

    Holy crap!! 3.5GB
    I really do like what I'm seeing, though. I'm probably one of the few posters here who's played the originals from the MS-DOS era.

    Will probably wait for a review. I hope you guys include comparos between the SD and HD versions on the same device. Even though I have a Tegra3 powered Nexus 7, I might still give the smaller SD version the nod if it gives better battery life and lower temperatures, plus the obvious benefit of smaller install size on a device with limited space.

    Then again, HD does seem tempting....

  • GraveUypo

    i think i'd go for the low res pack even if i had tegra 3 in this case. 3.5gb is too much for a single game.

  • SirCanealot

    I have a Galaxy S3, arguably the most powerful smartphone around right now. (at least until the s4 pro devices properly come out :0)
    Are you telling me that yet again nvidia has bribed companies to punish customers who have bought superior devices? If so, this is really starting to piss me off and they can expect some bitter emails... XD
    I played this a tiny bit on a iPod I had and it seemed pretty fun! Would have been nice to play on s3!

    • Beren

      Are you telling me that we've got an idiot here who aparantly thinks that samsung is better for gaming than nvidia FACEPALM. Just out of curiosity do you think that your galaxy s3 is more powerful than, say the nexus 7?

      • http://twitter.com/Oguri_Kureno 小栗紅野

        My note 2 is waaaay faster than both the S3/iphone5/Nexus 7.
        When I started this game on my note 2 I got the option to download high def graphics.

        • Muddy Long Bottoms

          Me too. But I did not get HD. Just 3.5 gigs of SD.

  • Cig

    Downloaded the low def version and it runs flawless on my Galaxy S2 Skyrocket HD. I have no doubt that the phone could also handle the larger version as well.